Cotton ball parenting

Do you let your children get dirty, muddy and wet? Do you let them climb trees? Do you let them eat food that dropped on the floor (assuming your house it not a pig sty)? Do you allow them to run and jump and ride a bike and get right into being a child?

Friends I know have a little girl they allow to be little girl, to run and fall and climb trees and explore her world.

Often other parents will say things like "She's climbing a tree! But what if she falls?" or "She fell over aren't you going to help her?"

Most of the time she falls and it's nothing, she's back on her feet running again. She's not crying and not in need of help. Imagine if her mum ran to her every time she fell! It's like saying don't move and don't have fun. And I've known children who weren't allowed to leave the couch when going to visit people, no matter how bored they were. Sad and awful and not fun.

As for climbing trees, I climbed trees when I was growing up, I still climb them now even though I did fall out of one as a teenager. I landed on my elbow and thought I broke my arm. My dad inspected the damage and all was well and I was able to go back out and climb some more, none the worse for ware.

I also had incredible bike accidents, though thankfully nothing more than bumps and scratches. And I ate of the ground and am still alive to talk about it.

Getting hurt is part of life. There are bee stings and falls, bike accidents and burns, a germy lolly on the ground that looks enticing to a small person, along with broken hearts as we get older. 

It is part of life and what experiencing life is all about. No matter what, we cannot save our children from everything that will hurt them during their life. It's all well to try the best you can to protect your children and keep them safe, however you still must let them learn about and explore their world.  

Teach them the things they can do, teach them they're strong and capable and courageous and curious.  Let them be children and allow them to have as much fun as they can.

Take your children tadpoling

Tadpoling. Remember that? How many of you went tadpoling with your dad, or your siblings, or the neighbourhood kids?

It seems to be a fading tradition these days because we've built up suburbia and practically live on top of each other. Who even knows where the tadpole are any more... right?

They're there still, it's just a matter of taking the time to look. It might be the local creek or duck pond or even storm water collection point.

My partner took our children tadpoling and they loved it. I was happy that they knew where to find them (a pool of storm water under a small bridge) and how to pass on this activity to the children. They came home with a couple of tadpoles that we put in a fish tank and watched as they became frogs, then set them free.

It's a glorious thing to watch a frog develop and morph, much like how children morph into adults only it's quicker for frogs.

What childhood activity did you love and have passed onto your child/ren? 

It's time to grow up

Is it?  Is it really time to grow up?

How often do you hear adults telling children this? To me it should be the opposite. Children should be left to be children for as long as possible because, let's face it, being an adult is hard.

There is nothing more joyful than listening to children play and laugh and have fun. It is wonderful to watch children draw, colour in, play Lego, cars, trucks, play dress-ups, paint, look for tadpoles, play with bugs, in the mud and water, climb trees, make a mess (so long as they clean it up afterwards).

All too often I hear adults saying things to children like "It's time to grow up" and I cringe. They are already growing up, essentially we all are every minute of every day, but that doesn't mean children have to give up their childhoods and their childish and playful ways.

Let children be children. 

They have plenty of time for adult stuff; bills, work, house, car etc. When they're adults and all that stuff becomes inescapable.

How to control iPad use

This refers to other electric devices as well. 

1. Only allow use every second day (or 3rd day + as is your prerogative). One day with electronics, one day without (this includes all other forms of electronics such as TV, computer, game consoles). I do allow music which they sometimes listen to on their iPads while they play.
2. Ask them to give the iPad back to you at the end of the day.
3. Pick an end time such as 6pm each night, before dinner.
4. Pick a start time during the day, on weekends, such as 10am. This is 8hrs worth of use which is more than enough time for them to get things done such as: homework, story writing, play games, drawing or looking up a picture to draw. Allow less time as is your prerogative.
5. Don't allow them to use the device alone in their bedroom without you having unlimited access.  If they work in their bedrooms have the door open with the screen facing you or near about.
6. Keep their devices in your bedroom at night or on their days off, somewhere they won't be found if one should try and snoop to try and find.  

You keep control.

In short pick a start and end time, hand the iPads out and have your children hand them back at the end of the usage time.

There are a couple of reasons for this.

When should I put my children to bed?

According to the above chart if your 5yo wakes at 7:30am you should keep them up until 8:30pm... or keep your 8yo up until 9pm - even though young adult TV time begins at 7:30pm and adult TV time begins at 8:30pm (which suggests children should be in bed by then).

Now I know parenting is diverse. 

I've met parents who keep their 2yo up until they go to bed themselves (around 11pm) because they can't get her to stay in bed. I know parents who keep their 10yo up until 10pm or 11pm (he struggles at school and they can't imagine why). In fact I've met all manner of parents with varying bedtimes and yet I've met very few parents who actually put their children to sleep at reasonable hours.

If I drew up a bedtime chart it would look VERY different to the one above. 

Turn the TV off

Do you struggle to get your children's attention because they've got their head buried in an iPad, laptop, game or TV?

In this electronic babysitter era it can be hard to get your child's attention. The devices can be hypnotising with monotonous music and repetitive actions... and your voice is but a distant sound off in the far yonder. 

Sometimes I'll ask my children something and get ignored. 

"What? Did somebody say something?" They wonder for all of about half a second before being lost in their virtual world again.

To get their attention sometimes I need to get drastic!

I might ask a second time and if I still don't get an answer I'll go right up to them and look them in the eye until they look at me. Sometimes I'll turn the TV off or take their gadgets away mid play. They'll protest and say they're going to die (in the game) if I don't give it back.

"Too bad," I say, "It's nothing compared to what might happen if you continue to ignore me." 

Such as maybe the device will be banned for a day, two days, a week.

What methods do you use to get your child's attention when their gadgets stop them from paying attention to you?

Sloth

I visited a house where the stay at home mum doesn't clean or tidy up. I don't know what she does with all her time at home not working, but her small flat is a pig sty.

You walk in to find clothes, shoes and house hold items, large and small, all over the floor, coffee tables, couches. There is literally nowhere to sit! Entering the kitchen there is a giant pile of clothes in the kitchenette and dirty dishes covering every inch of bench space and piled up in the sink. The other rooms are much the same.

How someone lives their life is their deal, it doesn't affect me directly and has no bearing on my life. Although is has every affect and bearing on her daughter's life.

This lady had a baby, then a toddler, then a small girl who will grow into a teen, then adult, living in this filthy environment. What does living like this teach that little girl? Not to mention the danger such an environment poses. The little girl could put something in her mouth and choke, not to mention the germs and so forth.

As an adult you re free to live your life how you choose. As a parent you HAVE to think about how your lifestyle choices affect your children. It is not good enough to have children and live in whatever sty you like. You need to make good and decent adult choices... or perhaps think about whether you're really ready to be a parent.

5 toilet rules

1) Try not to make a mess or drip.

2) If you do mess, clean it up.

3) Wipe your bottom property.

4) Flush.

5) Put the seat down and take any empty toilet roll holders with you.

I have this list for my children to help make toilet time a little bit easier for them.  If you tell a young child to clean up after themselves or do certain things when it comes to going to the toilet, they're very likely to forget.

If you have a simple list for them to see and follow it makes learning easier for them and your job that little bit easier as well (with any luck), and after a while it becomes second nature.

Say the magic word

Please.

Please is the magic word!

I was at a children's party standing round talking to one of the dads while children played noisily around us.  Children laughing, playing, running here and there, having fun.  Groups of parents talking to each other. 

While I was talking with one dad my child came up and said "Can I have some cheezles?" It was great that they were asking because some children would just eat what ever's there, but my child wanted to know which foods he can have, and which ones might be off limits (such as soft drink).

I kept talking to the dad as though my child hadn't spoken. The man was surprised and stopped talking to look at my child but I acted as though I'd heard nothing.

My child asked again "Can I have some cheezles?" I still said nothing and acted as though I couldn't hear him. By now the man was squirming a bit and thinking I am a very rude mother not acknowledging my child. I didn't let what this man was thinking of me change my tactic.

Then my child says "Can I please have some cheezles?"

"Yes," I beamed at my child, happy that he'd used his manners. My child smiled too, happy that I'd said yes and he'd remembered the magic word.

The man nearly fell over he was so surprised. He had thought I was being deliberately rude and couldn't understand why. When my child asked using the magic word he was stunned and amazed and no doubt a little (very) impressed.

My children know if they don't use their manners the answer is no, or quite often I won't answer at all.

If they say huh? I don't repeat myself. I wait for them to say pardon. If they ask nicely for something I don't let go until they say thank you, or will take it back until they say thank you. 

They have learned manners must be used no matter what.