Run your house like a ship

Ships have captains and crew who band together to make sure the ship is running in tip top shape. The captain is the one who overseas the duties, takes note of what duties need to be done and delegates those duties.

Some captains are better than others; they can see which duties need to be done better than others, they can delegate better than others, they can inspire and lead. You can't be a cutthroat captain. We're not pirates. You're not trying to behead the crew or make them walk the plank. Don't be a naggy captain, don't be bossy, don't be controlling, don't be domineering, don't be precious, don't sit around making the crew do all the work. 

Captains lead and inspire. For example I've talked to my children about what's expected of them and the things I'm expected to do. They don't have the really hard core jobs like cooking and washing dishes. Though they could if you choose, because each captain is different and has different strong suits. Maybe you can't cook or washing dishes bores you tears or you really dislike vacuuming. That's where delegation comes in and also negotiation. 

It's not a competition

As a parent who has been around other parents, play groups, relatives, schools, you will have noticed parents like to compete.

They compete about everything from whose child was breastfed and for how long, whose child walked first and what age, whether they give their child a dummy or not, when a child starts talking, how well children talk, how smart they are, whose child eats faster, better, more, whose child runs faster or plays sports or is a math wiz.

It is an annoying battle to be drawn into because there are no real winners or losers. As adults you can't tell who had a dummy and who didn't, who was breastfed vs bottle fed, who talked and walked at what age. As adults those things literally have nothing to do with who you are as a person and it shouldn't have anything to do with who your baby, toddler or child is, or how you define yourself and others as parents.

Unless there is something specifically wrong with your children medically such as maybe they can't hear and that is why they're not talking well, it is all irrelevant trivial nonsense. It is nobodies business whether your child is more or less advanced than theirs and it certainly is NOT a competition.

Parents who think raising children is a competition do my head in. The only real issue when raising children is, is your child well behaved, well mannered and respectful?' Are you a decent, non abusive parent?

If the answer is yes you've done a great job.

The hypocritical parent

We probably all know someone who fits this description and I've mentioned this occurring in a couple of blogs. I'm talking about those parents who have really naughty, badly behaved children, who never tell their own children off, yet are so willing to tell other people's children off.

This happened with my children the other day. I was visiting with a handful of women with children. The children played together while the women drank coffee and talked.

Every so often one of the children would come in complaining about one of the little boys who was there. "He's throwing stones", "He's kicking the pile of leaves I've gathered", "He's taking bricks from the retaining wall and not putting them back".

Not once did the mother of this child go out and tell him to stop, give him time out, tell him if he doesn't behave he'll have to leave. Instead the other mothers had to either tell their children to ignore him, move away from him, tell him to stop, or they'd go out and have words with this little boy themselves.

Don't do your children a disservice

By disservice I mean don't raise a child no one likes.

Sadly I know of a number of children who others find hard to like or tolerate because their parents are too lenient. I feel bad for these children. It's not their fault they don't know the rules or how to be respectful towards others and their property. It's not their fault they have lax parents who don't bother teaching them right from wrong in any respectful and consistent manner. It's not their fault they're so badly behaved others can't stand to be around them.

It is the parent who is at fault yet sadly this reflects badly on the child when other children and adults struggle to like them.

For example: