Pass the knowledge on

I was walking around the family farm the other day. My dad and I went for a walk around the place and he spotted an old sheep dipping well. He warned me to keep away from the area and not to grow food nearby because the dip is toxic and will have leached into the surrounding ground.

Dad left and a few days later I was walking the same area with one child. We walked passed the same sheep dip and I passed the information onto them. Fascinated, they looked around the area like I had done when I was first told and they helped me fence the area off with old fence wire lying around. 

Much later the whole family went for a walk and once again we walked by the sheep dip. The child who was with me and learned about it earlier, told the other family members about it. They also examined the area and asked questions.

And now we all know, don't go near the sheep dip or eat anything growing there. 

It's those little bits of knowledge we know and learn and share with others.

What knowledge do you pass onto your children?

Parent with logic not emotion

What ever you're putting out into the world, your children with mirror back to you. 

I cannot stress this enough!

If you're angry and frustrated all the time, that is what your children will be.

If you're a nervous, emotional wreck, that is what your children will be.

If you prefer to critique more than compliment, that is what your children will be.

If you're a tyrannical bully, that is what your children will be (or be victims to bullies).

No is a part of life

No you can't run that red light.

No you can't speed.

No you can't come to work in your pajamas (unless it's pajama day).

No you can't go shopping in the nude.

To some these rules might seem a unfair or annoying or against some constitutional freedom, however life is full of rules we have to follow in order to have a well functioning society and that's all there is to it.

No is a part of life.

Yet there are parents who loath to say the word NO to their child. Parents who loath to set rules and stand by those rules. Parents who feel that saying no to their child is heartbreaking and really really hard to do.

These parents forget that 

1) they're the boss, they're meant to be firm but fair 

2) their children will struggle as adults when it comes to obeying rules 

3) teaching them how to be adults is the parents job.

All too often we complain about how the youth of today are rude, belligerent, spoiled, precocious. We often hear people saying things like that child needs a good ol' biff across the ear. We don't have to resort to smacking in order to teach children respect. 

We simply need to teach them the word NO, and teach them the rules that apply to all people who inhabit this earth. Childhood is all about teaching child how to behave properly so that by that time they're adults they know what's expected of them.

We're raising people who will become adults and they need to know right from wrong, good from bad, empathy, respect, tolerance and understanding.

P.S. Saying no works best if you reframe it such as:

Child: Can I have an ice-cream.

Adult: No because you haven't cleaned your room.

vs

Adult: Yes, once you've cleaned your room.

We all have bad days

I got out of my pjs today. It was a good day!

There had been a couple of days I could barely make it out of my pjs. Tiredness and fatigue washed over me. I had so much to do and little desire to do it, let alone take time to take care of myself. Getting dressed became low priority.

My mood was low and I struggled to stay on top of things.

Luckily the family helped out. The children and my partner jumped right in, doing the bits and pieces I wasn't getting done.

It is normal for everyone to have washed out days; days where we are fatigued or unwell or overwhelmed and overloaded.* Share it with the family and ask them to help out.

*If this is happening to you too often seek advice on how to handle the situation better or find out why you're feeling low.

The main thing is we didn't turn it into a problem. People weren't annoyed mum wasn't her usual resourceful and industrious self. They know they have those days too and we all rally around them to help them in those moments.

Is that how it works at your house? If not, why not?

We just got stuff done and when I felt better I had a day where I got out of my pjs and felt proud of myself for getting at least that much done that day.

Do you struggle to get your family to help out around the house? Need pointers, suggestions, ideas? Leave and comment...

Bribery will get you nowhere

Bribery is kind of a form of discipline, yet by most accounts not a very successful one. If you have to bribe your children to get them to do something you've gone amiss with your parenting. What you want to aim for is rewarding your child/ren.

What is the difference between bribing and rewarding.

Bribery:

You: "Clean your room and I'll give you (insert toy/food/activity/etc)"

Reward:

You: "Can you please clean your room."

When they're done... you: "Thank you for doing that."

You can leave it here because a compliment can be enough of a reward however if you're especially pleased or you're feeling generous you might add, "You've done such a great job, you can have (insert toy/food/activity/etc)"

With bribery the child learns if I don't do what I'm told I'll get something as an incentive and I can up the anti!

With reward the child learns that good things come to those who help out and contribute to the household.

Do you lose your cool with your children all the time?

No.  I don't.

Yes I lose my cool... but often? All the time? With my children? No.

I do have moments of agitation, frustration, stress and annoyance. Still, it's not often that I'm losing my cool. I'm all about keeping my cool as best I can and not yelling; but also setting things up so I don't have to yell (or seldom yell).

I like to explain things in simple terms and get my children to understand there's a reason why we do and don't do things.

He's an example:

Never do for your children what they can do for themselves

Do you do tasks for your children? Do you do their washing? Clean their room? Cook their dinner? Make their lunch? Do all the house chores?

Do they help out or do they sit around all day taking it all for granted? Are they old enough to help out and be doing more? 

Remember these people have to leave home and KNOW how to do all this for themselves. That is what you're setting them up for.

For e.g.

My children aren't angels

I feel I have to point that out because it's one of the first things other parents say to me if I call their children out on poor behavior. "Oh well what abut your child..!" It's as though they feel like unless your child is perfect you aren't allowed to notice anything about other people's children.

Here's the thing:
1) It's true my children aren't perfect, they have their irritating quirks and bad behaviors as well.
2) I'm not the perfect parent. There are still things I get wrong or don't feel I do well.
3) I don't mind if people point out the bits I'm missing.

I've had friends tell me I might want to pay attention to a particular behavior my child is exhibiting and I take the advice on board. I know that parents can be blind to their own children's annoying traits (or hyper obsessive about them) and I like to know if there's something they're seeing that I'm not.

Knowing the areas to improve on is a good thing. Life is all about learning and growing and developing into better human beings.

When meeting parents who are closed off to the idea that something about them or their child's behavior is off, that's when navigating a relationship can get tricky.

Make your children laugh

I'm not much of a comedian. Mostly my children groan at my jokes and are constantly telling me I'm not funny.

Note: mum jokes are as (un)well received as dad jokes.

This doesn't stop me from trying to make my children laugh or play 'funny buggers' with them. For example here's a conversation I had with one of my children.

My child found a thermometer in it's clear plastic container, held it up to me and asked: 

Child: What does this do?

Me: It's a thermometer, it measures body temperature to see if people are unwell.

Child: How do you use it?

Me: You stick up someone's bottom.

Child: No you don't! You put in under the tongue?

Me: Oh no, poor dad.  I've been using it wrong all this time.

**

What are some funny jokes you tell your children?

The empathy talk

One sibling made a remark to another sibling regarded their appearance in a negative way. They were immediately asked to leave our space and think about what they'd just said. Later they were asked to rejoin us and tell us what they thought about.

"Not saying mean things."

Days later I asked the offending sibling how they would like it if someone made a negative remark about their appearance.

"They wouldn't like it", they said.

"Then don't do it to others", I said.

"Okay", they replied.

"Glad to hear you understand", I moved on with my day.

And that was it. That was the extent of our conversation, still it was enough for the meaning to be understood and that's all it takes.

Have those brief yet important talks.

What do your children think of their siblings?

Growing up my siblings and I had pet names for each other. Unflattering, horrible names like: bitch, dog, bully, liar, physco, cruel, angry, hurtful, dibba dobba, trouble maker etc.

We lived by these names we gave each other and really believed this was who our siblings were. We grew into adults believing these names to be a true representation of who we were to each other and added more names the more we learned about different personalities. Not a very nice thing to believe about each other.

Like all children, we were the product of our upbringing and we took on certain traits in order to navigate our childhood; which was chaotic and difficult at times. We grew up poor with parents who didn't know how to communicate or get over their own terrible upbringings, and we developed negative beliefs about ourselves and each other.

We also noticed the good things in each other; funny, intelligent, playful, creative, talented, strong, independent etc.

Yet whenever anything bad happened it was straight back to our negative beliefs of each other. "Oh, they're still a bitch, bully, liar, trouble maker..."

The good parent - story 2

This lady is a single mum of two beautiful and wonderfully creative girls. Add to that she fosters other children and looks after rescue dogs, has cats, rabbits, axolotls... Her house is fun and crazy and at times a wild zoo. Always something interesting going on.

Her daughters take after her. She is an artist and paints. She is a chef and can create something from nothing. Always hospitable, friendly, easy going and great to talk to.

She does it alone because the father of her children doesn't have a lot of money and doesn't help out much financially (at least he has visits with his girls). And like a great many of us these days, family is some distant thing that is there but not anything tangible she can rely of for help or support. Still the children are always fed, have clothes on their backs, a stable roof over their heads and love and laughter.

It can be easy to begrudge life when it's hard and keeps throwing all manner of obstacles in the way, yet her house is filled with children who are growing up free to be themselves, free to be happy in their own skin, free to explore and seek out desires and dreams, while also being taught to stand up for themselves.

This lady doesn't wallow in pity or feel sorry for herself (well maybe sometimes because that's normal).  Each day she gets up and begins the day again and again making sure her children want for nothing and are provided for.

It's also important to her that her children learn life skill and help out around the home. They have chores and animals to look after and do these jobs understanding that this is how life works. You want pets, you have to look after them. You want nice things, you have to look after them.

The children have extra curricular activities so they're not missing out on life experiences because money is tight. The mum makes it work.

Getting your newborn baby into a routine

During your pregnancy your baby will have awake and asleep times. Pay attention to these moments, make a mental note of them. It will help when your baby is born. For example if you're baby is often awake at 3pm in the afternoon, chances are this will be an awake time for them when they're born.

Here is a simple feeding chart that outlines how to interact with your newborn baby so as not to excite or wake them up at times you want them (and yourself) to relax and fall back to sleep.

FEEDING TIMES:

Early Morning:                       1. Feeding and diaper change.

5-6am                                      2. Wake time: rock your baby and sing; place your baby on

their back in crib to watch a mobile.

3. Put baby down for a nap.

Midmorning:                          1. Feeding and diaper change.

8-9am                                      2. Wake time: take a walk with baby, run errands or visit

neighbours.

3. Put baby down for a nap.

Afternoon:                              1. Feeding and diaper change.

11-12pm                                  2. Wake time: bath baby and place baby in infant seat                                                         (rocker) near window.

                                                3. Put baby down for a nap.

Midafternoon:                        1. Feeding and diaper change.

2-3pm                                      2. Wake time: play with baby, have baby by your side as

you read or sew.

3. Put baby down for a nap.

Later Afternoon:                     1. Feeding and diaper change.

5-6pm                                      2. Wake time: family time.

                                                3. Put baby down for a nap.

Early Evening:                        1. Feeding, diaper change (maybe wake time), put baby

8-9pm                                      down for a nap.

Late Evening:                         1. Feeding and diaper change (NO wake time), put baby

11-12am                                  down for sleep.

Any questions?  Leave a comment below.

Don't include your children in adult dramas

Do you fight in front of your children? Do you and your partner hit each other, or one hits the other in front of your children? Do you have screaming matches in front of your children? Do you put each other down and get your children to take sides?

The point of being a parent is to raise adults! To show your children how to be a respectable and decent adult when they grow up.

Experts say adults should never argue in front of children but I think it really depends. If you can have a civil conversation with someone about something you disagree on then this would teach children, who may be watching, that this is how discussions and resolutions are had.

If you cannot discuss without it blowing up into a bad fight then yes, you should not argue in front of children.

If you raise your children in a drama filled boxing match they'll most likely grow up following in those footsteps.

When it comes to relationships you want to teach your children what a good relationship looks like and what to do if a relationship is bad. You want to teach them self respect and respect for others. It is important to have conversations with them about being and adult and how relationships work... without involving them in he said/she said BS.

To give an example:

ADD. Really?

ADD = Adults Doing Disservice

Are you doing your children a disservice? Are they unruly because you won't or don't discipline them?

This is not an article for those who actually have children with ADD although it is misdiagnosed to a massive extent in Australia and other countries where packaged food is on the menu.

This is a story for those really slack parents who use ADD as an excuse for their poor parenting and therefore their child's pore behavior.

I've met a number of children whom I see getting away with so much around their parents. Those same children are usually angels around other people who stand their ground and discipline well. The parents of those children have gone to doctor after doctor trying to find out why their children aren't well behaved. And many of the children have ended up on ADD medication as a result.

This is heartbreaking to see. Doped up children who would otherwise be considered normal IF ONLY their parents knew how to discipline.

Before you send your child off to get ADD diagnosis and medication ask yourself some serious questions and be honest with you answers.

• Do you have other children who are also badly behaved?
• Are you consistent or lax with your discipline?
• Do you ask your child to follow other people's rules? Or do you ignore your children if they're breaking other people's rules?
• Do your children behave well for others, especially when you're not around?
• Do your close friends and family agree with your diagnoses or do they know you're just not being strict enough?
• Are your family and friends able to be open and honest with you and have you listen?

In each of the cases I've seen, all the other children in the family were also poorly behaved for the mother, while being well behaved and listening to other adults when the mother was not around.  Though they had attitude towards others being firm with them since they're use to getting away with so much. Family, friends and specialists did not agree the child had ADD, however, most were too chicken to speak up and say so.

Don't be a parent with ADD (Adults Doing Disservice) accusing your child of having a condition they don't have... 

Maybe you're the one with the condition and need professional help.

Purpose or pleasure?

According to studies on happiness: happiness generally falls into two categories, purpose or pleasure.  Spending time with children either gives us purpose or pleasure, with the majority of us feeling that parenting is purposeful and not pleasurable.

I'm one of the rare ones where spending time with my children gives me more pleasure than purpose, though of course purpose is always relevant.

I genuinely enjoy the company of my children. I talk with them and interact with them and like to get to know them. Like having new friends you learn more about them with each interaction. Plus, children change and develop as they grow up so there is always something new to learn about them.

I have other parents who ask me questions like: do you find the teen years stressful? Do you experience operational defiance? How do you deal with moody teens, tantrums, not eating dinner, not doing what they're told etc.?

For the most part I don't have these issues with my children because I taught them when they were young what I do and don't expect from them and also what they can and cannot expect from me. I will not berate my children, I will not bully or insult them, I will not beat or belt them, I will not discourage them or teach them negative self beliefs. I will teach them their strengths, to feel positive about themselves, to know they can, to be positive contributors to our society, to be the best they can be.

I lead by example. I cannot hit my children then say "Don't hit your siblings." I cannot yell at my children then say "Talk to me with respect." I treat them how I want to be treated and I teach them how to treat me.

This in turn means our interactions are pleasant for the most part and at the very least, respectful.

Recently someone asked me how I knew how to do this? Did I read books? Did I watch videos, do parenting classes, have instruction. A fair bit of it came from my own parents who were very good at demanding respect, some came from conversations and bits of information I've picked up over the years, however, most of it came from common sense. If I want to be treated a certain way I must teach my children about that, and also I shouldn't do anything to them I wouldn't want done to me.

I remember what it was like growing up. The good parts and bad parts. I learned all about respect from my parents, and I also learned that I disliked being hit and called names, or being ignored and largely unheard. When raising my own family, I wanted better for my children. I wanted to be their ally, be there for them during easy and tough times. I wanted to be a fun parent and to make my children's lives pleasurable. This in turn made my life pleasurable. 

Are you struggling with interactions with your children? 

You can ask me questions and I'll happily answer to the best of my ability.

Teach your children to be tolerant and understanding

There was a boy at my children's school who was scrawny and weedy and grotty and annoying.

His dad was tall and thin as a bean pole, his mum was squat and obese. Both unattractive and dressed daggy. They gave the impression of not having a lot of money and their son's clothes were often dirty looking and he often went without food.

My children told me this boy is picked on and teased and doesn't have many (if any) friends.

I talked to my children about this boy saying: he doesn't get to choose who his parents are, what they look like, how much money the have or don't have, what type of people they are. If his parents are neglectful he cannot go off and choose different parents. He's stuck with them. Since he's only a small child he cannot influence them either, can't recommend his mum take care of herself better or learn to love herself so she has no need to self medicate through food. Cannot make his parents become wealthy. Cannot make his parents wash his clothes more regularly or give him adequate food for school.

Nope. 

The talk

Had to have the talk with one of my children recently. I'm not talking about the birds and bees talk. I'm talking about real vs fake friends.

One of my children has struggled to make friends and recently made friends with two brothers. Those brothers already had a group of friends they call their gang. The trouble is this gang haven't embraced my child and treat him badly, and the brothers don't seem to do much about it by way of standing up for my child.

Kind of made me wonder if my child is a patsy, someone they let into the group for others to pick on?

I met the parents of the boys and the dad was talking about how he doesn't like one of the other children from the group because he's a bad apple.

Ironically, his kids are allowed to play 15+ shoot up kill 'em games (at age 10), listen to revolting hip hop/rap music with crass lyrics and words like 'mother f**ker', help themselves to whatever junk food is in the pantry, eat said junk food in copious amounts, leave rubbish everywhere, they ride their bikes like maniacs harassing pedestrians and nearly getting hit by cars because no one has taught them road rules and road safety, they swear like troopers. The mother is apparently home but rarely seen; she's off somewhere neglecting her boys...  And their friend is the bad apple!

Do NOT pick up after your children

I can't stress this enough!!!!!!  So I'll put some exclamation marks there to emphasis the point and make it bold.

DON'T EVER PICK UP AFTER YOUR CHILDREN!!!!!!

It is NOT - not not not  (yes there's an echo) - your job!

It IS your child's job to pick up after themselves.  Children as young as two can pick up after themselves so get on it as soon as possible!

When my children were toddlers I would go into their room, usually in the evenings if I had the time and every Saturday at least, and show them how to tidy their room.

Blocks in block box, teddies on bed, cars in car box, books on the shelves, pencils in cases. Everything has a spot. It's not about being perfect either, things get mixed up and that's ok. It's just about using this young learning age to teach children that tidying up is their responsibility. They get the things out they put them away. Simple!

The good parent - story 1

Let me tell you a story about a mum doing a great job.

This mother is juggling three children, one of whom is in her care.  She is dealing with three different personalities and can talk about all three in a positive light.  Able to see their good qualities despite the fact that they're hard work, stressful and demanding.  As children are.

A stay at home mum living life as a single mother even though she's married.  That's how it goes sometimes.  'A woman's lot' as they say (though there would be stay at home dad's in a similar position).  Doing the bulk of 'woman's business' by herself and amazingly... managing!

I think of her and know there is no way I'd manage as well as she does.  I don't think I've told her that before but she's amazing to me.

When life becomes hard work, stressful and demanding I shy away from any activity that adds to that pressure cooker.  It's keeps me sane, yet I'm not sure if it's good for my children not getting out as much or doing many out of home recreations.  That is my undoing, my foible.  We all have them.

Back to this lady, on top of everything she is also struggling with anxiety, relatively new to the scene.  Again she is STILL managing to organise outings for herself and her children, she juggles their appointments and activities, play dates, she sees her friends and cooks and takes care of her children.

She is not abusing her children, blaming them for her undoings, neglecting them, neglecting others.  This lady is also taking care of her own wellbeing, doing a course on mindfulness and learning how to manage mental wellbeing.

Impressive!

I wanted to share this story to let you know there are some really great and amazing parents out there!

Have thoughtful conversations

A conversation started with my children when one asked what beverage they could buy from the school canteen. The choices were fruit juice, soft drink or flavoured milk, and the question was which has the most sugar?  

I had to admit I didn’t have a clue what the correct answer was and I asked my children what they thought was the better option. This got us talking about which beverage is better i.e. the least unhealthy option.

Fruit juice can be made with real fruit and contain natural healthy sugars, though how much fructose is too much I don’t know. Fruit juice can also contain a low percentage of fruit juice and large amounts of water, sugar and flavourings.

Soft drinks are loaded with sugar and artificial colours and flavours. Some soft drinks, such as cola, also contain questionable chemicals (as might other beverages via preservatives and additives).

Flavoured milk is also choc full of sugars and artificial colours and flavours.

Lord of the flies

We had a Lord of The Flies moment here the other weekend when we had a family friendly party, children welcome. The more the merrier...

Activities were set up, paper, stickers, toy tracks, the backyard lit up so children could play outside, a garden to explore, trees to climb, balloons to throw around. I'd talked to my children telling them they were to help look after younger guests, make sure they're having fun and not doing anything they're not allowed (i.e. breaking house rules).

At first children were shy and hiding beside parents then gradually they began to move around and explore. For the most part they were lost in crowds and only a few people went around checking on the children; that is, the more studious adults. Including myself, I went and checked on the children outside a couple of times.

One time one of my children was climbing up a tree to get away from everyone. I wondered what was happening to make them feel this way so I stuck around and watched for a while. A younger girl was also trying to climb up the tree and my child was being rude and disrespectful to her, insisting she stay down and not come near him. She wanted to climb the tree like my child and so on up she went. Nothing seem untoward and I head inside to check on guests.

Later I find my child in their room red faced, in tears and hysterical, saying that the little girl is following them everywhere, the others are annoying them and their nemesis (a relative who doesn't get along with my child & vice versa) was harassing them. I have words with another sibling telling them to go to their upset sibling and look after them. Make sure they're ok and no one bothers them. I leave them in bedroom to calm down.

The next morning when it's quiet I take the time to ask my child exactly what happened after I went inside leaving them to climb the tree.

How strict am I?

Just how strict a parent am I and how do I compare to you and others?  Let's explore that...

My child was told by my partner that they could not go to their friend's after school because they'd been the night before, and my partner felt it was best to at least go every second night. I agreed.

When my partner left for work I reiterated to my child that they needed to come home after school, no going to the friend's house. They asked if the friends could come back to our house and I said that's fine.

Come 5:30pm my child isn't home from school and phones from the friend's house asking if they could stay for dinner. Um... no! You were meant to come home straight after school!

The father of the friend returns my child home and suggests we have pre-organised days where my child can go over such as Tuesdays and Fridays. He said if his child didn't come home he would have been worried. I wasn't worried, I knew where my son was... I was angry! I said it's not about the days so much, although I don't want them going over too often, it's about them deliberately disobeying me.

I thanked the man for dropping my child home, closed the front door and said to my child, "Time for bed, night night, it's not up for discussion, off you go, see ya later.."

They go to bed without dinner and are grounded for the rest of the week (including the weekend).

That's how strict I am.  

It's unlikely my child will disobey us again in this regard. They might try to push other boundaries (this child is a little more rebellious than his siblings) to which I will put my foot down, but it's doubtful they'll do this particular thing again.

How about you? What would you do in this situation? How would handle being blatantly disobeyed?

Phrases and sayings I grew up with

"This hurts me more than it hurts you."

Debatable since it usually meant we were getting a hiding. Chances are it hurts the children way more than mum or dad.

"I'm doing this because I love you."

Um... yeah.  Your way of showing loving through hitting us because we were naughty isn't quite sending me the I love you message you think it's sending.

"Stop crying or you'll get another one."

Really love that one. Stop crying about being hurt (hit/belted) or else you get more hittings or beltings.  Sounds reasonable... NOT!

"Say that again and I'll wash your mouth out with soap."

This did help us children not to swear or cuss, especially since sometimes mum used our teeth as a soap grater. Yuk!

"If you swallow apple seeds you'll have a tree growing out your ears."

I believed this wholeheartedly as a child and had visions of trees growing out of people's bodies.

"If you eat your crusts your hair will go curly."

This myth is busted. I ate all my crusts all of the time and have dead straight hair to show for it.

"There's plenty of water in the tap."

Hated that one because sometimes I just wanted some cordial or food.

Mum = "Don't touch." 
Me = "I'm just looking." 
Mum = "You see with your eyes not your hands."

Fair point!

"It's rude to stair", "It's rude to point"

Again, fair point. Good manners. 

.........

What sayings did you grow up hearing and how did they affect you?

Bush walking

Personal Story.

This is one of my children.  A very entertaining and creative child.

~  We've lost a part to a bike and I'm heading off to find it in the bush were my child was riding. Another child comes up to me and tells me they know where it is. They saw it over there...

They take me on a hid and seek, over to an ant hill, up the valley, over to a fallen tree they were playing dragons near. Which direction was it again? A yes, off to a burnt stump, it was beside the stump, on fire, and it blew away.

The fire part makes me curious and blowing away? How could it? The part is too heavy to blow away in the wind.

Then it supposedly rolled down the hill and off we go for some more hide and seek. ~

Turns out they had no idea where the bike part was and simply wanted to walk around the bush with mum, telling stories and spending time together.

I'm not cooking seperate meals

There are mums who cook one meal for themselves and their partner and separate meals for their children because their children don't like to eat what the parents are eating.

There are mums who cook basic dishes only because they're the only meals the children will eat. She misses out on the types of food she likes because her children refuse to eat anything else.

There are mums who have partners with really plain palettes who won't eat anything remotely exciting, interesting, tasty or different. They either have to eat those bland meals or cook something separate for themselves.

I know mums who barely or rarely cook for their children because their children won't eat much of anything. So it's takeaway and junk food.

When it come to dinner time they way I see it is this. 

Making Phone Calls

"Answer me this…"  I asked one of my children after I got off the phone.

Phone calls have become a rare luxury in my house. Anytime I dare to make or receive a phone call I run the risk of this being the day my children decide to muck around, i.e. start a game they know will end badly (or should know because it’s happened before). Either one child is in tears because they didn’t like the game or rules but didn’t speak up and is now whinging after the fact. Or one is arguing with me about how the other one didn’t speak up so how are they to know they don’t like the game? Well, maybe because they didn’t like the game last time so there’s every chance they won't like it this time; or maybe because there was an audible change in the way they laughed, and if I can hear it while I'm on the phone, you should be able to hear it as well. Right?

First I talk to my dad, then my partner calls, so I luxuriously had two phone calls in a row. This also meant I was occupied for a longer period time and while the cat is away the mice shall play. 

During the phone call with dad I can hear them, so they’re making noise, but it’s not bad noise. At first one is painting while another is in their room tidying up. Then comes some louder talking and hanging around each other. When my partner calls they’re in the garage looking at their bikes. They talk on the phone with their dad for a bit then I leave them to their bikes while I continue my phone call.

After a while they’re no longer in the garage and I can hear them getting louder, mucking around more. One doesn’t sound overly happy but it’s hard to tell. I wish;

1) that they’re speak up for themselves and say I don’t like this game, 

2) that the other would know by now that this is a game the other is NOT going to like because it involves strength (which one sibling has over the other).

Cotton ball parenting

Do you let your children get dirty, muddy and wet? Do you let them climb trees? Do you let them eat food that dropped on the floor (assuming your house it not a pig sty)? Do you allow them to run and jump and ride a bike and get right into being a child?

Friends I know have a little girl they allow to be little girl, to run and fall and climb trees and explore her world.

Often other parents will say things like "She's climbing a tree! But what if she falls?" or "She fell over aren't you going to help her?"

Most of the time she falls and it's nothing, she's back on her feet running again. She's not crying and not in need of help. Imagine if her mum ran to her every time she fell! It's like saying don't move and don't have fun. And I've known children who weren't allowed to leave the couch when going to visit people, no matter how bored they were. Sad and awful and not fun.

As for climbing trees, I climbed trees when I was growing up, I still climb them now even though I did fall out of one as a teenager. I landed on my elbow and thought I broke my arm. My dad inspected the damage and all was well and I was able to go back out and climb some more, none the worse for ware.

I also had incredible bike accidents, though thankfully nothing more than bumps and scratches. And I ate of the ground and am still alive to talk about it.

Getting hurt is part of life. There are bee stings and falls, bike accidents and burns, a germy lolly on the ground that looks enticing to a small person, along with broken hearts as we get older. 

It is part of life and what experiencing life is all about. No matter what, we cannot save our children from everything that will hurt them during their life. It's all well to try the best you can to protect your children and keep them safe, however you still must let them learn about and explore their world.  

Teach them the things they can do, teach them they're strong and capable and courageous and curious.  Let them be children and allow them to have as much fun as they can.

Take your children tadpoling

Tadpoling. Remember that? How many of you went tadpoling with your dad, or your siblings, or the neighbourhood kids?

It seems to be a fading tradition these days because we've built up suburbia and practically live on top of each other. Who even knows where the tadpole are any more... right?

They're there still, it's just a matter of taking the time to look. It might be the local creek or duck pond or even storm water collection point.

My partner took our children tadpoling and they loved it. I was happy that they knew where to find them (a pool of storm water under a small bridge) and how to pass on this activity to the children. They came home with a couple of tadpoles that we put in a fish tank and watched as they became frogs, then set them free.

It's a glorious thing to watch a frog develop and morph, much like how children morph into adults only it's quicker for frogs.

What childhood activity did you love and have passed onto your child/ren? 

It's time to grow up

Is it?  Is it really time to grow up?

How often do you hear adults telling children this? To me it should be the opposite. Children should be left to be children for as long as possible because, let's face it, being an adult is hard.

There is nothing more joyful than listening to children play and laugh and have fun. It is wonderful to watch children draw, colour in, play Lego, cars, trucks, play dress-ups, paint, look for tadpoles, play with bugs, in the mud and water, climb trees, make a mess (so long as they clean it up afterwards).

All too often I hear adults saying things to children like "It's time to grow up" and I cringe. They are already growing up, essentially we all are every minute of every day, but that doesn't mean children have to give up their childhoods and their childish and playful ways.

Let children be children. 

They have plenty of time for adult stuff; bills, work, house, car etc. When they're adults and all that stuff becomes inescapable.

How to control iPad use

This refers to other electric devices as well. 

1. Only allow use every second day (or 3rd day + as is your prerogative). One day with electronics, one day without (this includes all other forms of electronics such as TV, computer, game consoles). I do allow music which they sometimes listen to on their iPads while they play.
2. Ask them to give the iPad back to you at the end of the day.
3. Pick an end time such as 6pm each night, before dinner.
4. Pick a start time during the day, on weekends, such as 10am. This is 8hrs worth of use which is more than enough time for them to get things done such as: homework, story writing, play games, drawing or looking up a picture to draw. Allow less time as is your prerogative.
5. Don't allow them to use the device alone in their bedroom without you having unlimited access.  If they work in their bedrooms have the door open with the screen facing you or near about.
6. Keep their devices in your bedroom at night or on their days off, somewhere they won't be found if one should try and snoop to try and find.  

You keep control.

In short pick a start and end time, hand the iPads out and have your children hand them back at the end of the usage time.

There are a couple of reasons for this.