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Tuesday, 5 February 2019

Parenting with fear


Are your children afraid of you?  Do they duck if you wave a hand anywhere near them?

When I was a little girl I was always ducking as I passed my parents (my mum in particular) because I was always afraid I was going to get hit.

The irony is my mum would hit me anyway and say, "If you were ducking you must have done something wrong."

Talk about an un-winable situation!

I grew up afraid of my mum, always ducking/flinching, always waiting for the next hit.  Always knowing it will come and never knowing when or for what reason.

Tuesday, 18 December 2018

Pass the knowledge on

I was visiting a farm with the family the other day.  My dad and I went for a walk around the place and he spotted an old sheep dipping well.  He warned me to keep away from the area and not to go near food nearby because the dip is toxic and will have leached into the surrounding ground.

Dad left and a few days later I was walking the same area with one child.  The other was off playing.  We walked passed the same sheep dip and I passed the information onto him.  Fascinated, he looked around the area like I had done when first told and he helped me fence the area off with old fence wire lying around. 

Much later the whole family went for a walk and once again we walked by the sheep dip.  The son who knew all about it told dad and brother all about it.  And they too examined the area and asked questions.

And now we all know, when visiting that farm don't go near the sheep dip or eat anything growing there. 

Saturday, 8 December 2018

Parent with logic not emotion

What ever you're putting out into the world, your children with mirror back to you. 

I cannot stress this enough!

If you're angry and frustrated all the time, that is what your children will be.

If you're a nervous, emotion wreck, that is what your children will be.

If you prefer to critique more than compliment , that is what your children will be.

If you're a tyrannical bully, that is what your children will be (or be victims to bullies).

Thursday, 15 November 2018

No is a part of life

No you can't run that red light.

No you can't speed.

No you can't come to work in your pjamas.

No you can't go shopping in the nude.

To some these rules might seem a bit unfair, however life is full of rules we have to follow and that's all there is to it.

No (rules) is a part of life.

Yet there are parents who loath to say the word NO to their child.  Parents who loath to set rules and stand by those rules.  Parents who feel that saying no to their child is heartbreaking and really really hard to do.

These parents forget that 1) they're the boss, they're meant to be firm but fair 2) their children will struggle as adults when it comes to obeying rules 3) teaching them how to be adults is the parents job.

All too often we complain about how the youth of today are rude, belligerent, spoiled, precocious.  We often hear people saying things like that child needs 'a good ol' biff over the ear'.  We don't have to resort to smacking in order to teach children respect. 

We simply need to teach them the word NO, and teach them the rules that apply to all people who inhabit this earth. Childhood is all about teaching them how to behave properly so that by that time they're adults they know what's expected of them.

We're raising people who will become adults and they need to know right from wrong, good from bad, empathy, respect, tolerance and understanding.

Friday, 9 November 2018

We all have bad days


I got out of my pjs today.  It was a good day!

There had been a couple of days I could barely make it out of my pjs.  Tiredness and fatigue washed over me.  I had so much to do and little desire to do it, let alone take time to take care of myself.  Getting dressed became low priority.

My mood was low and I struggled to stay on top of things.

Luckily the family helped out.  The children and my husband jumped right in, doing the bits and pieces I wasn't getting done.

It is normal for everyone to have washed out days; days where we're fatigued or unwell or overwhelmed and overloaded*.

The main thing is we didn't turn it into a problem.  People weren't annoyed mum wasn't her usual resourceful and industrious self.  They know they have those days too and we all rally around them to help them in those moments.

Is that how it works at your house?  If not, why not?

We just got stuff done and when I felt better I had a day where I got out of my pjs and felt proud of myself for getting at least that much done that day.

Do you struggle to get your family to help out around the house?  Need pointers, suggestions, ideas?  Leave and comment...

*If this is happening to you too often seek advice on how to handle the situation better or find out why you're feeling low.
Share it with the family and ask them to help out.

Monday, 22 October 2018

Bribery will get you nowhere

Bribery is a form of discipline, yet by most accounts not a very successful one.  If you have to bribe your children to get them to do something you've gone amiss with your parenting.  What you want to aim for is rewarding your child/ren.

What is the difference between bribing and rewarding.

Bribery:

You: "Clean your room and I'll give you (insert toy/food/activity/etc)"

Reward:

You: "Can you please clean your room."

When they're done... you: "Thank you for doing that."

You can leave it here because a compliment can be enough however if you're especially pleased or you're feeling generous you might add, "You've done such a great job, you can have (insert toy/food/activity/etc)"

With bribery the child learns if I don't do what I'm told I'll get something as an incentive and I can up the anti!

With reward the child learns that good things come to those who help out and contribute to the household.

Thursday, 18 October 2018

Do you lose your cool with your children all the time?

No.  I don't.

Yes I lose my cool... but often?  All the time?  With my children?  No.

I do have moments of agitation, frustration, stress and annoyance.  Still, it's not often that I'm losing my cool.  I'm all about keeping my cool as best I can and not yelling - but also setting things up so I don't have to yell (or seldom yell).

I like to explain things in simple terms and get my children to understand there's a reason for why we do and don't do things.

He's an example:

Monday, 15 October 2018

Never do for your children what they can do for themselves

Do you do tasks for your children?  Do you do their washing?  Clean their room?  Cook their dinner?  Make their lunch?  Do all the house chores?

Do they help out or do they sit around all day taking it all for granted?  Are they old enough to help out and be doing more? 

Remember these people have to leave home and KNOW how to do all this for themselves.  That is what you're setting them up for.

For e.g.

Wednesday, 19 September 2018

My children aren't angels

I feel I have to point that out because it's one of the first things other parents say to me if I call their children out on poor behavior.  "Oh well what abut your child..!"  It's as though they feel like unless your child is perfect you aren't allowed to notice anything about other people's children.

Here's the thing:
1) It's true my children aren't perfect, they have their irritating quirks and bad behaviors as well.
2) I'm not the perfect parent. There are still things I get wrong or don't feel I do well.
3) I don't mind if people point out the bits I'm missing.

I've had friends tell me I might want to pay attention to a particular behavior my child is exhibiting and I take the advice on board.  I know that parents can be blind to their own children's annoying traits - or hyper obsessive about them, and I like to know if there's something they're seeing that I'm not.

Knowing the areas to improve on is a good thing.  Life is all about learning and growing and developing into better human beings.

When meeting parents who are closed off to the idea that something about them or their child's behavior is off, that's when navigating a relationship can get tricky.