Making Phone Calls

"Answer me this…"  I asked one of my children after I got off the phone.

Phone calls have become a rare luxury in my house. Anytime I dare to make or receive a phone call I run the risk of this being the day my children decide to muck around, i.e. start a game they know will end badly (or should know because it’s happened before). Either one child is in tears because they didn’t like the game or rules but didn’t speak up and is now whinging after the fact. Or one is arguing with me about how the other one didn’t speak up so how are they to know they don’t like the game? Well, maybe because they didn’t like the game last time so there’s every chance they won't like it this time; or maybe because there was an audible change in the way they laughed, and if I can hear it while I'm on the phone, you should be able to hear it as well. Right?

First I talk to my dad, then my partner calls, so I luxuriously had two phone calls in a row. This also meant I was occupied for a longer period time and while the cat is away the mice shall play. 

During the phone call with dad I can hear them, so they’re making noise, but it’s not bad noise. At first one is painting while another is in their room tidying up. Then comes some louder talking and hanging around each other. When my partner calls they’re in the garage looking at their bikes. They talk on the phone with their dad for a bit then I leave them to their bikes while I continue my phone call.

After a while they’re no longer in the garage and I can hear them getting louder, mucking around more. One doesn’t sound overly happy but it’s hard to tell. I wish;

1) that they’re speak up for themselves and say I don’t like this game, 

2) that the other would know by now that this is a game the other is NOT going to like because it involves strength (which one sibling has over the other).

When I get off the phone they’re sitting quietly watching TV but one child doesn’t look happy while the other one looks cheeky. One comes up to me fake crying and I’m not in the mood for it so I tell them to tell me straight. I'm told they’re victim of a dumb game of 'come to me and try and get the dog (and when you’re near me I’ll beat you up but I don't tell you that part)'  Not really a beat up but the one who instigated the game is bigger and stronger and rougher and always win. Can’t image how they thought the other would or was liking this game?

The other defends themselves; saying the other sibling was laughing, sounded like they were having fun, never said anything, never said stop. I discuss how I dislike not being able to be on the phone, rarely get to do it and expect that I’ll be respected when I finally get a chance to talk to family or friends. The children are made to brush their teeth and go to bed.

When I tuck the younger child in to bed I talk about speaking up for themselves. Don’t go along with the game if you don’t like it, and feel free to explain why. Use your voice, use your words. Worse case scenario, come and get me and I'll help.

As I get ready to settle down for the night I begin to think about the situation and wonder how it is they keep choosing to play games they know one or the other doesn't enjoy. It's not rocket science. That’s when I find myself asking the older sibling an important question as I tuck them into bed.

“Answer me this, and there is no right or wrong answer, but can you tell when your sibling isn’t happy and isn’t enjoying the game?” They say they can’t because the person was laughing and sounded like they were having fun (and they can't read facial expressions or tone of voice). Something for me to ponder and tackle later.

For now I advise the older child to avoid games where strength and knowledge play a part in the game, and how about avoiding games when there is always one winner and one loser altogether! They are a good foot taller and much stronger, and because they’re older they know more.  Unfair to someone much younger.  And maybe ask on a scale of 1–10 how much do you want to play XYZ?

How do you deal rascally children when trying to have phone calls? How do you deal with older bigger siblings dominating younger siblings?  Love to hear your views.