5 DON'TS for dating with children

Are you a single parent looking for love? How have you gone about it so far? If its not going well for you ask yourself if you've made these common mistakes.

1) Introducing your children too soon.
You like him, you think he's great, however, you haven't known him long enough to know whether he wants children let alone likes them, let alone likes a whole brood of them! One mother had a brood of children and they all lived in a caravan. For whatever reason, she thought it would be a good idea to bring her date back to the caravan and have the kids jumping and crawly all over him, on their first date. Needless to say he never went back for more.

2) Your children lack discipline and are badly behaved.
This reflects bad on you because it means your parenting skills are lacking. Maybe the potential new partner might be a good sort and help sort your children out... however, most parents can't stand someone new coming along and telling them they're not doing it right. They resent the intervention and see it as an insult. Or they swing the other way and let some ogre of a person into their children's lives to lord over them like an angry, unforgiving God.

3) You have multiple children to different parents.
Like it or not, a lady who has many children to different fathers is not viewed very highly, and it's similar for men in the same position. Regardless of the standard judgments and opinions, I view it as this: what are you doing that makes these partners not want to stay? The possibility of dating people who can't hold onto partners and who aren't realising the errors of their ways is not appealing. Are you too clingy? Too possessive? Too full on too soon? Too jealous? Are you having babies with people because you think it will force them to stay?

4) Favouring your children above others.
I knew a woman guilty of this. She had a spoiled child who never had any serious consequences for her poor behavior, yet she hammered her partner about his children's behavior. Quite judgmental and lacking in understanding as to what they were going through (new divorce, new girl friend, unruly child moved in), and with even less interest. Everyone was angry and full of resentment. This could have been avoided if the man had told her she needs to focus on her own child and leave his children alone.

5) You don't pay for or care about the children you already have.
I knew a man who complained all the time about how much money came out of his pay to go towards his children. Of course he said it went to his bitch of an ex wife (unappealing to hear a man speak about another woman this way). You contributed to the making of those children. You also contributed to the breakdown of your relationship, whether you're honest with yourself about that or not. It's not the bitch ex wife's (husband's) fault you have children you have to take care of. How do you think any potential partner is going to view someone who doesn't take care of their children's well-being?

Are you guilty of any of these? Any other mistakes that could be added to the list?

Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD)

I have a friend who says her son has ODD and maybe he does. He certainly is oppositional and defiant! He's rude and hard to be around.

One way she has tackled the issue is by restricting his chemical and additive intake. There is an app called Fedup which lists food additives and their reactions and effects on the human body and mind. For e.g. the butter on movie cinema popcorn isn't really butter, it's just a flavored substance that causes drowsiness and fatigue. So if you and your children are tired and irritable after a movie that's most likely the reason why.

She has researched high and low for foods her son is allowed to eat and made this the whole families regular way of eating. Her son has gotten use to knowing what he can and cannot eat and is accepting of it for the most part, although he does want and sometimes eats foods that don't agree with him.

I have seen him first hand have meltdowns and I do notice the difference when he's on the restricted food intake vs eating additive filled foods.

I've also seen him get away with murder (literally) so I know his defiance isn't just about ODD or additives. When he acts out or hurts other children (which he does a lot for what ever psychological reasons are going on within him) his parents do so little. There is rarely any serious consequence to any given action.

I'll give you some examples.