Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD)

I have a friend who says her son has ODD and maybe he does. He certainly is oppositional and defiant! He's rude and hard to be around.

One way she has tackled the issue is by restricting his chemical and additive intake. There is an app called Fedup which lists food additives and their reactions and effects on the human body and mind. For e.g. the butter on movie cinema popcorn isn't really butter, it's just a flavored substance that causes drowsiness and fatigue. So if you and your children are tired and irritable after a movie that's most likely the reason why.

She has researched high and low for foods her son is allowed to eat and made this the whole families regular way of eating. Her son has gotten use to knowing what he can and cannot eat and is accepting of it for the most part, although he does want and sometimes eats foods that don't agree with him.

I have seen him first hand have meltdowns and I do notice the difference when he's on the restricted food intake vs eating additive filled foods.

I've also seen him get away with murder (literally) so I know his defiance isn't just about ODD or additives. When he acts out or hurts other children (which he does a lot for what ever psychological reasons are going on within him) his parents do so little. There is rarely any serious consequence to any given action.

I'll give you some examples.

1) One of their friends complained to the parents that he was having a serious fight with his brother while visiting their friend's house. The parents didn't even get up to separate them. They stayed outside drinking and smoking and ignoring their children.

2) He threw his iPad across the room and it broke so he asked my child to also throw the iPad, then he took the broken iPad to his dad and told his dad my child broke the iPad. When the dad found out his own son is the one who broke the iPad NOTHING HAPPENED by way of consequence for the boy! He just told us "Don't worry about it." Meaning my child was not in trouble. But what about your own deceitful child who clearly doesn't respect his stuff and lies? He should have been sent to his room for lying and had his iPad taken away.

3) He had a nanny for a while and he was always telling the nanny "You're not my boss!" and refusing to do as she asked. The parents never stepped in and demanded he do as she says because she IS his boss. Instead the parents hated the nanny for not being able to control this unruly child or earn his respect. Once I was telling him to stay out of a room in my house and he told me "You're not my boss!" I dealt with that situation yet I still realise there is something amiss in a child who says or believes that.  Enabled much!

4) He constantly hit my child and whenever my child stood up for himself the boy would cry and the parents would take his side and tell my child off.  Yet they rarely gave their son decent consequences for this actions. In fact they accused my children of encouraging their children to act out just to get them in trouble. My children aren't like that. One time he was hitting my son and I told my child "Just hit him back." After defending himself, my child stated he'd done so because I said he could. This ODD child tells his father what I said and the dad gives me an angry look, to which I explained I'm tired of nothing being done about it.

5) He was sexually inappropriate with another child and when his parents found out they were like "Kids will be kids." Again no consequences.

6) His parents allow him to fetch his own food, which he makes a mess and usually doesn't finish. His parents tell him he's not getting anything else if he doesn't finish what he's eating and they don't make him clean up after himself (he's horrible to have stay over), then when he doesn't finish his meal (because he in fact rarely does that I ever saw) his parents still let him eat other things. His mum's excuse: well because of his restricted food intake I'd rather see him eating no matter what. Rightio then. That will help him learn that you mean what you say and say what you mean... NOT.

He pretty much gets away with murder (more on that another time) and his parents are loath to discipline him because they say:

1) he reacts badly to punishment (well yeah, that's the whole point!), 

2) they think his back chatting and rudeness (and sometimes lashing out at others) are signs of confidence, independence and character building (maybe so but not the type of character you want a child to become).  

Really that's BS gutless talk for I'm too lazy a parent to actually get off my butt and make sure my child is growing into a decent person that others actually WANT to be around.

Sadly they've lost a number of friends because of this and it's not his ODD that's the issue. It's that no consequences are given and the child gets away with being horrible to those around him. Excuses are given instead.

Though I have to laugh because this friend loaned the Super Nanny videos to another friend because 1) she thinks her friend can't parent well 2) because she thinks she does parent well.  

A strong case of seeing in others what you are yourself!