Speak your mind

How to.  When to.

Always with respect. We don't resort to "Hey you idiot" or words like that. In saying that, my children do on occasion, name call, and when caught I'll speak my mind and say "That's not ok."

Some times people let an annoying thing build up and up, until they can't take it any more and explode; with rage or anger or upset and tears. If it gets like this you might have tolerated it for too long, or asked for it to stop repeatedly and it hasn't.

The best time to speak up is at the time it happens and as soon as you notice it bothers you, or shortly there after. Keep in mind some things that annoy you aren't going to make sense to others and that's ok. It's give and take.

You could say, I'll stop this and ask if you can please stop that in return.

NOTE: It will not happen if someone denies it happens. That cuts off any chance of change.

For example, recently one child, who has a lot on their plate, came up and asked to be left alone for the first 20mins after school. They just came up and made the request at a time it was on their mind. I listened, understood and agreed.

This interaction is a sign that within our household we've learned to speak our mind, openly and honestly. Others may not always like the request, or feel upset about it, still it's important to respect others boundaries. It's ok to ask for a time out too.

If I'd denied I do that; hassle my child as soon as they're in the door, or make excuses for my behavior, I'd have shut myself off to hearing where they're coming from and granting their request. This will shut them down and they won't feel safe making requests. Granting requests also teaches those around you how to make said request.

Losing your temper will almost certainly cause those around you to stop speaking their mind, and this is not something that should be taken away from anybody. You all have the right to make requests.

Other examples of speaking our mind:

I recently got angry and swore (not at a person, at an object) and they requested I not speak like that. I felt defensive, yet I realise I wouldn't want to be spoken to that way and apologised.

We were out recently and one of my children raised their voice to me because they didn't want to hear my 'dad joke'. I'd kept telling it because I'm an adult and I'm free to tell a joke if I want. If they were the only one present, I'd have obliged, however I was talking to the rest of the family as is my right. When they raised their voice I said, firmly, "I beg your pardon, you do not speak to me that way."

We did talk about this several times afterwards as well, because the matter needed to be discussed further.

Are people free to speak their mind in your house? How do you handle being asked to change or adapt your behavior when it hurts, upsets or offends others?