Teach your children to socialise

I have a friend whom I've know all my life. She and I had children around the same time so our children grew up spending time with each other as well.

However, her child is extremely shy. It doesn't help that her child also has a speech impediment and was bullied for that at school. This only added to the shyness and over the years the child became very introverted as well.

As a baby, they were smiley, playful, happy, your typical baby. As a toddler it was much the same however when it came time to talking this is where the speech impediment started to be noticed.

It's worth noting here that the mother had post natal depression and during my foster care years I was sent on a course to learn about PND and its long lasting effects on children. In particular, it was stated that in most cases the mother with PND does not interact with her baby/toddler in the same manner that mothers without PND do. Therefore they're not talking as much with the child which can lead to speech delays as well as speech impediments.

Ask about their mood

Do you ask your child how they are?

Do you stick around to hear the answer and truly listen to what they say?

What do you do if they give a short, non committal reply or refuse to answer?

It can be hard to get responses out of children especially as they get older and just grunt as a reply however it is crucial to keep an eye on your children's mental well-being and mental health.

Ask them "How are you feeling?", "Everything going well?", "How are things in your world?"

If they don't give a wordy response, watch their body language, their facial expressions... do they look happy, sad, stressed, anxious, angry, upset?

Let them know you're there for them no matter what. Let them know, by reacting nicely, that no matter what they say you won't judge.

Try not to let them spend too much time alone wallowing in their own angst, allowing their brooding thoughts to overwhelm and consume them.

Be there for them. Be open to conversation and interaction. Try to find something they might like to do together with you, or the family.

Don't let loners dwell all alone in their world. Even loners (those who like and prefer their own company) can get lonely and feeling empty and friendless from time to time. Make sure they're not left to sink into their own dark thoughts.

Make sure your children know they are loved, valued, important, and a cherish part of your life.

Parenting Rules – from one of the world’s strictest parents

1.      No computer, DS, game boy, TV or other computerised gadget before school.  You don’t want your brain switched off before your day starts.

2.      Sugar and treats are not good for you and you’re not having them often.  End of story.  This includes sugar filled cereals.

3.      Same goes for fatty foods.

4.      We call it FatDonalds for a reason.

5.      Treats such as chocolate and potato chips will rarely be given.  Chocolate wires children up and contains caffeine (see also rule #9) and potato chips are highly acidic and rot your teeth.

6.      Looking after your teeth is very important.  They have to last you a life time and dentists are expensive.  Same goes for your body.

7.      If you have cavities in your teeth I haven’t done a good enough job.

8.      If you’re unhealthy I haven’t done a good enough job.

9.      Coca Cola is for adults.  When you’re old enough to drink coffee then you can drink coke.  By that time, if I've one my job right, you won’t be addicted to sugar and therefore probably won’t be all that interested in coke (if I’ve done my job right).

10.  You’re not getting dessert every night after dinner.  It is a treat not a compulsory part of the meal.

11.  If you ask for it you won’t get it.  I like the giving to be a surprise and something special.

12.  Don’t leave the table until you’ve finished your meal.  If you get up that means you’re finished and your meal will be taken away.  Unless you have valid reason like needing to go to the toilet.

13.  Eat what you're given.  You're not getting something else for dinner.  If you don’t finish your dinner you go to bed (unless the meal was too big or seriously yukky, that’s a different matter).

14.  If you do get to stay up after not finishing dinner you’re definitely NOT getting anything else afterward.

15.  Toys don’t belong at the dinner table.

16.  There is no belching, passing wind or sniffing allowed at the dinner table.

17.  Don’t talk with your mouthful.

18.  Because means because, I don’t want to have to explain my reasons to you so you can try and argue with me.  Because can mean I can’t be bothered, it can mean the reason is too complicated for you to understand, it can mean there is no reason for my decision – but I’m not going to tell you that.

19.  You have to do chores just the same as I do.  Do you think I want to cook dinner each and every night, clean the toilet or get up in the morning to make you lunch and take you to school when I could be enjoying a sleep in?

20.  Chores start from around age 2 upwards.  Something simple to start with like picking up some toys.

21.  When you ask me “What do I get for doing this?” my reply is “A compliment or a hug”.  I don’t get lollies or rewards for doing my chores.  It’s all part of contributing to being part of the family.

22.  If you say you’re bored I have plenty of things for you to do: clean up the toys, clean your bedroom, take out the rubbish, put the dishes away…  I can always find something to take your boredom away.

23.  Put things back where they belong before you get more stuff out.

24.  Clean up after yourself.  I am not cleaning up your messes.  I am not your servant.

25.  Everything has a home.

26.  I am happy to read a story with you, do some arts and crafts and other activities.  However, it is not my job to keep you entertained and play with you all the time.  It is important you learn to keep yourself occupied and enjoy your own company.

27.  Close a door as though your fingers were in the way.  Softly, gently.

28.  WALK when you’re inside.  This includes shopping centers!

29.  I’m not afraid to reprimand you if you misbehave in public.

30.  Tantrums will be ignored (see also rule #50).

31.  Bedtime is bedtime.  It is not negotiable.  It will be early enough so that we (the parents) can have time to ourselves.  You grow and your brain absorbs your day while you sleep so you will go to bed at a reasonable hour - otherwise I'm doing a bad job.

32.  You will have a nice soothing and loving bedtime routine.  This might include a story, a song or some chatting.  It WILL include a good night hug and kiss and I Love You.

33.  If you come out of your room after you’ve been sent to bed (for no reason other than to just get up again) you lose your favourite toy.

34.  If you come out again you lose another toy.  This could go on all night if you wish.

35.  You get the toy(s) back the following day if you stay in bed for the rest of the night.

36.  Don’t wake me before 7am.  It’s too early!

37.  "It's time for a bath" is not negotiable either.

38.  If you splash and drench the bathroom while in the bath, bath time is over and you clean up the mess.

39.  I won’t let go of the thing I’m giving you until you say Thank You or I may take it back if you forget to say Thank You.

40.  I’m not answering or acknowledging your request until you say Please.

41.  I’m not moving until you say Excuse Me.

42.  I’m not stopping my conversation with somebody unless you say Excuse Me.

43.  It’s courtesy to knock before you enter a room.  You never know what you’ll walk in on.

44.  Talking back or being rude and disrespectful is not acceptable (there will be consequences).

45.  Hitting, punching, fighting and being a bully to other family members is not acceptable (there will be consequences).

46.  Do not join in when I am reprimanding others.

47.  I mean what I say and say what I mean.

48.  Once I say no I never change my mind.

49.  I pick my battles wisely.  Once picked I never back down.

50.  I don’t EVER cave in so there is NO point nagging, pleading, whining or crying.

51.  Do as you’re asked straight away.  Don’t make me repeat myself.

52.  We parents buy you toys to use them as leverage (jesting).  They can and will be taken away if necessary.

53.  If you’re going to try and rebel you have 3 seconds to stop or else there will be consequences (such as losing a favourite toy or time out).

54.  Time out is my preferred method of discipline.  I use this time to count to 100 so I can clam down.

55.  The wily parent always remembers.  I’ll ask you to do something once such as tidy your room.  You either do or you don’t.  However if you don’t I will remember and when you next ask for something I’ll say “Yes.  Once you’ve tidied your room.”

56.  Water is good for you and will be your (our) drink of choice 98% of the time.  Fruit juice might make up the other 2%.  Never soda, flavoured milk or other drinks high in sugar.

57.  Don’t even think about asking for lollies during shopping.  You won’t be getting any.

58.  Fruit will be your choice of snack / treat.  You’re welcome to ask for fruit as much as you like when we go shopping.

59.  You will get a high five for a job well done.

60.  You will get acknowledged, thanked and hugged for doing your chores without being asked.  You might even get a treat.

61.  You will be hugged and kissed when I see you being good.

62.  You will receive hugs, kisses, compliments and other forms of affection for no particular reason except I love you.  This will occur often.

63.  You can talk to me any time about your day, your concerns, your hopes, dreams and goals.  My door is always open.

All this is part of being our family and we’re happy to have you here :-)