Those flip out moments

If we're honest with ourselves we all have flip out moments as parents. It's how we deal with those moments that makes all the difference because it's those flip out moments that our children tend to remember the most.

If you think about your parents can you recall the times your parents got angry with you? Or can you only recall happy moments because that was all your childhood was filled with (lucky you)? For most of us those angry moments stand out in our memories. If those moments were frequent it can seem like that was all our childhood was about; angry parents who never stopped yelling at us and telling us how bad we were.

Being yelled at doesn't feel good. Getting into trouble doesn't feel good. Yet learning lessons is a normal part of childhood and it's the parents job to teach their children those valuable lessons. In good ways a child can learn from without being made to feel bad about themselves. 

I had one such flip out moment a little while back. My children were in the bathroom squabbling about who had something first and whose turn it was to have that something. I walked in to the bathroom to see them fighting over an expensive thermometer I use for work. Not something they should even be playing with let alone fighting over. I reach over to grab the thermometer off them and it falls to the ground and shatters!

All I could manage to do was stand there and cry out "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Which meant: "Now look what you've done!", "Why were you even playing with my thermometer!", "That was expensive and is going to cost a pretty penny to replace", "Now I'm going to have to clean it up!", "I'm feeling so angry right now!"

My children just stood there wide eyed, watching me, waiting. What would mum do when she finished? When I was done with my flip out I told them to leave the room and I cleaned up the mess worrying about the mercury that had splattered everywhere along with the fine shards of glass.

Sure I wanted to yell at them and call them idiots and tell them how stupid they were for fighting over something that wasn't theirs to touch in the first place. And I did have words with them. Afterwards I spoke to them about not touching things they're not allowed to touch and how important that thermometer was and how costly it would be to replace. They new I was angry, they knew I was feeling emotional about the situation. I knew they felt guilty and wrong and naughty. Yet I didn't resort to insults or hitting or agro.

They will most likely remember my funny flip out for how strange my reaction was, however, they won't remember the flip out for how small and insignificant I made them feel, because I didn't do that.

Your flip our moment cannot be an out-of-control rage. You cannot berate your children or hurt them psychically or verbally. It needs to be done in such a away as they don't feel degraded and disrespected and you don't come across as an overbearing meanie. Flip outs are normal. Emotional states are normal. How you deal with them makes all the difference with the lesson your children learn and what they take away from the experience.