There are also a great many mothers out there not getting a good night's sleep even though their child is over 12 months and should now be sleeping through the night.
I was one such mother.
When my partner and I had our first child they had no idea what they were doing. They'd never been a parent before and didn't know what to expect and how to deal with a crying baby. Every time the baby cried they went running to it to pick it up and comfort it, or pressure me into doing so. Certain the baby was in some type of distress.
This went on until the baby was a year and half old and for all of those 18 draining months I never got a full nights sleep and was emotionally and physically exhausted. I was miserable having to deal with an active baby during the day, trying to get the house in order, washing, dishes, showering. I was depressed and, as hard as it is for me to admit this, I often felt having the baby (with my partner) was not a good idea. Those early days were not much fun.
Note: I did not have postnatal depression. My feelings derived from an unhappiness to get my partner to see the damage they were doing by constantly running to the baby every time it cried and their insistence, each night, that I get up and go to the baby even though I just wanted to sleep.
One night over a weekend I decided to talk to my partner about how I would be leaving the baby to cry and WOULD NOT be getting up to the baby no matter what. I urged my partner to do the same and support me. There were reluctant yet agreed... right up until the time it happened. Sure enough in the middle of the night around 1am the baby started crying. Usually one of us went in to see, popped in his dummy and went back to bed. This could happen various amounts during the night with our baby crying every time the dummy fell out.
On this night I refuse to go. It resulted in a silly squabble between partner and I in the middle of the night. Them insisting I go, getting angry that I wouldn't go, getting angry that the baby was crying and disturbing their sleep. Eventually they decided they would go and a scuffle ensued; little tiny me had to try and stop my ox of a partner from going to the baby. It would have been a laughable sight, me trying to force my partner to stay in our bedroom, clinging to the door frame like some cartoon cat, it if wasn't such an unhappy affair.
In the end we left the baby to cry and cry. For a whole 45 minutes the baby cried and we did not go to him.
The following night we had our first full nights sleep since the arrival of our baby.
Do I believe in controlled crying? I would say yes. Those against controlled crying say it damages the baby, leaves the baby feeling abandoned and neglected which affect it later in life. I say control crying is worth it if it means saving a mother from feeling the resentment and unhappiness of 18 months of broken sleep.
What do you think?
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