We lived by these names we gave each other and really believed this was who our siblings were. We grew into adults believing these names to be a true representation of who we were to each other and added more names the more we learned about different personalities. Not a very nice thing to believe about each other.
Like all children, we were the product of our upbringing and we took on certain traits in order to navigate our childhood; which was chaotic and difficult at times. We grew up poor with parents who didn't know how to communicate or get over their own terrible upbringings, and we developed negative beliefs about ourselves and each other.
We also noticed the good things in each other; funny, intelligent, playful, creative, talented, strong, independent etc.
Yet whenever anything bad happened it was straight back to our negative beliefs of each other. "Oh, they're still a bitch, bully, liar, trouble maker..."
I have friends in the same boat. Siblings who believe things like:
"They're always trying to one-up me."
"They create false memories."
"They were spoiled/daddy's or mummy's favourite."
"They're a negative bitch with severe mental issues."
When raising my own children I keep this in mind and ponder what my children might be thinking about their own siblings. I work hard to dispel any negative myths they're creating for each other.
For example one child feels a bit sad because another sibling is quiet and withdraw and prefers to be alone; almost all of the time! Plus that sibling likes to win and because they're older they can easily outwit the smaller sibling. This leaves one sibling feeling isolated and unloved by his sibling.
While the other sibling thinks the youngest sibling is a pain in the neck, pestiferous child who hangs around them and harasses them constantly.
If we don't have conversations around that then they'll grow up believing those negative views of each other... which is not at all who they are as people!
I instigate conversations with them and ask them questions regarding their views of each other in front of each other. This opens a dialog and a space for learning and getting to know each other in a different (true) light.
One child is an extrovert while the other is an introvert. This doesn't mean they don't like each other or are bad people. They're just different and need to learn to adapt and to appreciate each other's finer qualities.
What did you believe about your siblings? What do your children believe about their siblings.
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