It's all about choices

My kids have been driving me nuts lately. Not sure if their behavior is worse or my fuse is shorter. Most likely the latter. It seems like they can't go near each other lately without something going wrong: i.e. someone getting hurt or things getting out of hand and becoming noisy.

I was at boot camp, not a particularly fun thing, and there were other children around. When my children started interacting with theirs things quickly escalated between my children. One got a little too excited and boisterous and the other tried to calm them down forcefully. They're carrying on, 'Get off me', 'No, stop being stupid'. I have to call out for them twice, they don't stop when I call because they're so busy fighting they can't hear me (or pretending not to). I have to leave the training to sternly tell them off and get their annoying he said she said story. While I'm thinking, 'Don't care, handle it better and behave yourselves.'

Big consequences for big actions

Children do minor things that don't turn out ok and then they do big things that end up disastrous. Usually accidents; an idea or game that wasn't thought out well.

That happened here and I was ropeable. My children had been playing, It went from Lego to following each other around the house to minor wrestling to one getting boofed in the face. Ending up in cries of pain and a flood of tears.

I investigated what happened and got different stories, as you do. The children were separated and quizzed again detective style where I found out one had thought it would be ok to ask the other sibling to kick them in the tummy, but do it softly.  They'll ring the bell if things get too hard. To them this sounded good. To me I can see many flaws in their action plan.

How to deal with tantrums

Here are some examples of tantrums and how they were dealt with.

1) A mother had this 3 year old daughter. This little girl would often through tantrums to get her way. An example of that is: one day the daughter wanted some chocolate and the mother said no. The little girl went out to the front door step (very clever, she knew it would draw a crowd) and began screaming and crying. Lying on the ground billowing and throwing her arms about. The mother tried to ignore her but found she couldn't and ended up going up to the daughter with some chocolate.

2) Another time that little girl tried the same tantrum for the same reason when a visitor was there. This time the visitor asked the mum to close the front door and walk away, and she distracted the mother whose child was having a fit on the front doorstep. The little girl stopped her tantrum on the doorstep and came inside. She had wanted attention and didn't get any. She did however begin the tantrum again on the floor in front of her mother. She was use to this working and getting her way.

Talk about being fair

One thing children often squabble over is lack of fairness in a game. When one party is calling all the shots and making all the rules and they win all of the time (it's usually the bigger or older child calling the shots).

It's one of those situations that make the other kids whine and sook because they want it to be fair yet can't get it to change; because they're not strong enough or big enough or brave enough to stand up to the other sibling. They'll call in the artillery, in this case the parents or adults, and get their help in sorting things out.

An annoying scenario to any adult who sees the situation and insists on children playing fair because the children always say they are or they will play fair... and never do.

The little girl who won't eat

I have a friend who has a daughter and from the moment she could eat it seemed she didn't want to, she didn't like food. Not real food anyway.

Instead her diet consisted of BBQ shapes, potato chips, cheezles, tiny teddies, chocolate, flavoured milk, soft drink and other high processed treats. Give her anything nutritious and she'd carry on and protest and refuse to eat. Maybe she'd go for some pasta but certainly no fruit or vegetables or meat.

This pore little girl was constipated ALL the time and was so scared to go to the toilet, because it would hurt, that she would hold on for days. Making going to the toilet all the more scary and painful.

You give me no, I'll give you no

My child is starting to try and defy me and stand up for themselves more. They're at that age where they feel they're growing up and should have more control over me and the things they're allowed to do.

Most children will go throw various phases of trying to stand up to their parents, of trying to gain the upper hand. This could be because they're spoiled and feel entitled, or it could be because they're permanently squashed and will one day rebel and fight back. Or, in my child's case, it could be because they go through a phase of feeling like everything is unfair and they feel hard done by.

That's not to say those feelings aren't true for them, or valid. Still, it's all about how a child goes about trying to get a better more fairer deal for themselves.

Dealing with meltdowns

It's normal for people to have meltdowns. We all do it from time to time. Sometimes we've let a situation get the better of us for too long and we eventually hit breaking point and our world comes crashing down.

This could be stress at work, a partner treating you badly for too long, or a child who has bad a big long tiring day who goes into meltdown mode.

As adults we might yell or scream or swear, or continue to hold it in and become very unhealthy or negative. As a child it tends to result in tears, defiance and tantrums.

My child had such a meltdown recently. We'd had a big eventful day that resulted in lots of physical activity and lots of energy being spent. Needless to say the little one was tired by around 4pm. Just before dinner was served he went into meltdown mode. Crying profusely at nothing in particular. The end of the world had come.