Talk about being fair

One thing children often squabble over is lack of fairness in a game. When one party is calling all the shots and making all the rules and they win all of the time (it's usually the bigger or older child calling the shots).

It's one of those situations that make the other kids whine and sook because they want it to be fair yet can't get it to change; because they're not strong enough or big enough or brave enough to stand up to the other sibling. They'll call in the artillery, in this case the parents or adults, and get their help in sorting things out.

An annoying scenario to any adult who sees the situation and insists on children playing fair because the children always say they are or they will play fair... and never do.

I spoke to one child about this the other day. Went into their room to talk, saw an elaborate set up of toys on the floor and asked what was happening here. It is a battle station being set up so they can play Lego war. I notice one battle station looks far more sophisticated that the other (because they're older and better builders), giving one an unfair advantage.

I say nothing and continue to listen to them explain how this toy can do that, and that toy can do this. Lots of cannons and bombs and explosions. All set up elaborately to combat this or that attack. I ask if the other sibling enjoys the game and am told they don't because the one who set up the advanced station always wins.

The more advanced Lego builder hides a car, I'm told, that wipes out the other person after they've both lost everything except their lives. Is that fair, I ask? It isn't, I'm told. The one who made the less advanced station always ends up sad and not liking the game and complaining it isn't fair.

When I spoke about this not being fair to the other sibling and perhaps there should be some adaptions and rules to how games are played, they understood how this wouldn't be very fun for the other. We talked about how they should both be coming up with rules and both be given good weapons and have an equal chance of winning.

It was a good conversation because there was no judgement, no attack. Just a simple conversation that allowed the other to see they weren't playing fair by the answers they were giving. It's our role as parents to be mediator and to help our children see their behavior from another person's point of view.

Children aren't born knowing reason and fairness. It's up to parents to teach them this in an understanding way.