You give me no, I'll give you no

My child is starting to try and defy me and stand up for themselves more. They're at that age where they feel they're growing up and should have more control over me and the things they're allowed to do.

Most children will go throw various phases of trying to stand up to their parents, of trying to gain the upper hand. This could be because they're spoiled and feel entitled, or it could be because they're permanently squashed and will one day rebel and fight back. Or, in my child's case, it could be because they go through a phase of feeling like everything is unfair and they feel hard done by.

That's not to say those feelings aren't true for them, or valid. Still, it's all about how a child goes about trying to get a better more fairer deal for themselves.
In this situation my child got an iPad for school use (it was the school's wishes, a decision I'm living to regret). This is the second year of having the iPad and my child has since become addicted to the blasted thing. It started off humble. It would be used for homework and research. Then friends at school talked about games that could be downloaded. My child would confer with parents if this or that game was allowed to be downloaded. My partner said yes.

Next thing I notice they're on the iPad almost all of the time, before and after school, hunched down in a corner, having to go on it often or else the town will get invaded and the war will be lost. Watching Youtube videos on Minecraft and how to fly a plain... and then I hear the odd swear word. We have a strict lockdown on the iPad yet swear words on Youtube don't seem to be among the things the device bans.

So of course I crack down and tell my child the iPad is only allowed for homework and they must sit by me while this homework gets done. The iPad has to be handed over to me when I pick them up from school and I give it back the following morning before leaving for school. If games are to be played it will be one or two nights a week at a time of my choosing and for a period of my choosing.

This doesn't sit well with them because they've become addicted to being entertained by this electronic device so they rebel and try to assert some independence. When I ask for the iPad after school my child will refuse to give it to me and I have to start getting creative to get him to give up the device. Such as "Give it to me now or you won't be able to go on it for a week" or "Give it to me now or you won't get any dinner".

The other day I asked for the device and my child said no. Moments later, I kid you not, my child comes up and asks me if they can play Xbox. I said no and told them if they're going to give me no I'll give him no. Another time I asked them to give me the iPad and they said no again, then later asked for a treat. We ended up having a discussion about how if they're going to continue to say no to me then that is the only word I'm going to give them. We also had a good discussion about addictions to computers, how it starts, where it can lead and how it's necessary for them to go long periods of time without the use of electronic devices for entertainment.

I understand it's only normal for there to be resistance at the start of a new rule. When someone's onto a good thing they don't want to give it up. My child is now handing over the device with less resistance and understands that if they're going to continue to say no that will be my favourite word too, and they don't want that.