Your bad upbringing can go 3 ways

1) You continue the abuse.

2) You stop the abuse and learn better ways to parent.

3) You become a doormat to the child, so afraid of being strict you go the other way entirely. (I've also seen people who have had good upbringings go this way).

Obviously number 2 is the best option. Number 1 is sad for obvious reasons; you'd think not liking being abused the parent would not wish that upon their own children, yet sadly it doesn't work that way because we do what we know and are familiar with.

Option 3 is also a tragic option that I have witnessed first hand.
Abuse is something that has affected my family, from immediate to uncles, aunts and cousins and it has played out in many different ways.

Those who parented well, i.e. did not abuse (beat), yet neglected in other ways such as: children having to look after themselves because mum is down the pub drinking, eating reheatable food and not getting nutritious food because mum can't be bothered to cook, not being able to call mum up for advice because mum doesn't have time for you.

Those who spoiled children because they didn't want to be the bad guy, so they gave in and let the children call the shots. Drank a lot and was often high and was not really a participant in the children's lives. Beautiful children who have since grown up to become drug addicts who have repeated stints in jail because they've never learned how to be good at life, never learnt to truly thrive and flourish.

Those who tried not to be as bad as their parents were, showed affection and served home cooked meals, but could not maintain a level of happiness and contentedness and would lash out at the children (give them beltings and berate them) because children were irritating and annoying and should be seen and not heard.

Those who tried to be soft (spoiling) majority of the time only to have moments of inconsolable rage and beat the living daylights out of the children, and date abusive men who made the problem worse. Whose children grew up to repeat the process and hand down the abuse to their children.

I've seen this play out with people who stopped the abuse and took on a different path. Who looked upon the small babies, children, toddlers, boys and girls and realised there is NO WAY they could inflict that type of treatment onto a small being, and have a child be raised in a neglected, hurtful way. People who talked with their children, spent time getting to know them and interacting with them. Who parented with love and respect.

It can be done. Just because you had a bad upbringing doesn't mean you have to pass that along to your children, nor does it mean you have to be soft and set no clear boundaries. Find that happy medium, search for it, seek it out, get advice, ask those who you think have that happy medium how they do it.

We do what we know (i.e. learn) so learn how to be a good, better parent.