Talking to teens

Watching TV sitcoms and movies about life with teens it is if often depicted as hard and unpleasant, with these moody beings who talk back and grunt by way of communication.

Now and again there will be a show that has parents and teens getting along, talking with respect and open communication; it's not often though. Can you think of any off the top of your head?

When I watch those moody teens with parents who barely acknowledge or talk to them, or at best insult or react badly to situations, I cringe and wonder why those parents can't interact better with their teens (even though it's just a TV program or movie).

It's the same when I speak with parents who tell me to watch out because when my children are teenagers they're going to be hell to live with.  I've raised teens before and I've never found them to be hell to live with, but then again, I've not raised them to be hell to live with.

As a teen my parents barely spoke to me, they barely asked me what was going on in my world.  This resulted in a rift where my parents and I didn't know each other very well and kept lots of secrets from each other.

As a mother, with that type of upbringing,
I've made it my life's work to make sure I do not have that type of relationship with my own children, or other children who come into my care.

It's not always easy to talk to teens especially if you haven't had a good relationship so far, but I believe these things are repairable and certainly worth making it your goal to re-establish a good relationship, let's start before it gets too late.

To begin with find something your teen is interested in such as computer games. Even if you know nothing about the subject asked them questions such as what the game is about, are they good at it, is it a game their friends also play?

Talk to your teens about your life when you were their age, for example you might talk about how computer games were basic when you were younger, or that you were really good at Space Invaders or Frogger. Or maybe you might talk about makeup trends, what was trendy when you were in your teens and ask about what is trendy now.

Start with small conversations and build up to a level you and your teen are comfortable with, this usually grows as your teen gets closer to adulthood. Let your teen know you and make it your mission to know them. You want your teen to be able to come to you with things that are happening in their world so you can be supportive.

For example: one of my children recently told me they'd won an Apple iPhone. It turned out to be a scam and they clicked on a link and entered in details thinking they were really going to win this phone. Instead of being angry (at the constant phone calls we received after our details were given out) we used this situation as a lesson for our children to learn from.

From childhood all the way through to adulthood keep the lines of communication open and make sure your children are not strangers to you, or you a stranger to them.