Helicopter parent

We've all herd the term before: meaning a parent who constantly hovers over and around her (and other) children making sure they're safe and not in any danger of being hurt or doing something wrong.

Though now there is a new term being thrown around - the lawnmower parent: a parent who smooths out the path of their child so they don't ever had to face any adversity. 

I would say my parent style resembles helicopter parenting. I won't leave my children alone with people I don't know really well, I don't leave my children alone to fight their own battles if I can hear they're having difficulty coming to a resolution, I don't leave my children alone to deal with other not-so-nice children, teachers or adults. 

The reason I'm a helicopter parent stems from my childhood, like most choices we make as adults. I recall many moments where bullies hurt younger children while parents weren't aware their children were being hurt (or were bullying others). I recall many moments when children were unable to sort out conflicts and resorted to awful and brutal ways of winning their side of the argument. I recall many a moment where brutish parents resorted to fear tactics when dealing with their children, only to have those children reenact those brutish ways upon their siblings - because they weren't learning what they thought resolving issues looked like. I recall moments of neglectful parents not paying attention to anything their children did and thus left their children to their own devices when they were far too young and naive to have chosen a good path. I recall moments of adults accusing and punishing children for things they hadn't done or things of a trivial nature that didn't deserve punishment, but instead needed understanding and gentle guidance.

When I was growing up there was little talk about psychological damage or the affects of abuse or neglect on children. People didn't understand that being hit at school by teachers had a detrimental affect on the morale of students. People didn't understand then that peodophiles and molesters target certain types of parents whose children are more vulnerable and exposed.

Sure children were more free then, they walked to and from school themselves, they went up to corner shops to buy bread and milk, they road around the streets until dark and came home in time for dinner. They might get into fights or accidents and for the most part survived to tell the story. Over the years we became more vigilant with our children, more protective. Some say too overly protective.

Though I personally haven't become a helicopter parent because the world became a worse place to raise children. I did it because I realised my children don't always know what is fair or good or decent. They're not always able to make the right choices. They aren't born knowing what those right choices are. They need guidance, direction and friendly advice on how to deal with conflict and troublesome people and situations. I learned from my childhood that assuming children will make the right choices is a foolish notion because in most cases children are yet to learn what right choices look like. In truth, children are naive and make very foolish choices.

Once, for example, I found one child pushing another (then a baby) off the beanbag because they wanted to have the seat all to themselves. Hearing the commotion I went to see what was happening. Unbeknownst to the child doing the pushing they were hyper extending the baby's arm and any moment the arm could bend backwards and break. If I hadn't flown in like a helicopter to save the day there would have been a worse situation to deal with.

It is my style to go and see what the commotion is about and intervene (as appose to when I was young and parents just let kids work/fight it out or came in and whacked whomever as a way punish us for disturbing them). I will appear in doorways and watch my children interact and play, I will break up play fights that are getting too rough, I will talk to them about the games they play and the rules they make up, I will talk about fairness and treating each other as they wish to be treated. I will sort situations out with them when they're struggling to come up with a resolution.

I would much rather be a helicopter parent than a neglectful or abusive parent any day.