Parent with logic not emotion

What ever you're putting out into the world, your children with mirror back to you. 

I cannot stress this enough!

If you're angry and frustrated all the time, that is what your children will be.

If you're a nervous, emotional wreck, that is what your children will be.

If you prefer to critique more than compliment, that is what your children will be.

If you're a tyrannical bully, that is what your children will be (or be victims to bullies).

You and your children can break the mould. But why create a mould that needs to be broken in the first place?

I've seen parents lose their sh*t at and in front of their children. I swear there because it is beyond losing their cool. It's worse than losing their cool. And their children also can't handle their cool and get upset easily. They are emotional and stressed for the most part, just like their parents.

I've seen cold parents with cold children. Parents who are too lenient, with children who are hard to be around.

These are all emotions: depressed (cold/distant), guilt (lenient); anger (pure frustration); scared, fragile (nervous)...

The closest I come to any of the above parents is distance, or absence. Sometimes I feel like I really need alone time and I just take it (sometimes other family members do too). This can be distancing myself from my children to some degree. And I have lost my temper on some occasions. It's not that I never get angry, it's more about how I get angry.

If we take our emotions away all that's left is logic.

Are they actually misbehaving or am I just stressed? Why are they misbehaving? Why am I getting angry? Do they know or understand why? If they should know, why don't they adjust their behavior? If they're at an age where they should know but don't, whats stopping them from understanding? Why am I letting it bother me so much?

There are reasons why children aren't doing what they're told, helping out, doing their chores etc. And that reason is most likely you. You need to have reactions that help everyone and work with all the different personalities.  

For e.g. separate people if need be, take one aside, remove yourself, bargain with or out smart them.