Raising adults

The whole point to parenting is raising children who grow up to be well adjusted adults (or as well adjusted as possible).

Some experts argue no person ever grows up perfectly adjusted and all people have some trauma or issues with their childhood.

I feel this way at times, because try as hard as I might, my children will still tell me things that make me question whether I'm doing a good job or not. For e.g. one child recently told me they're depressed and it's because we (the parents) raised them that way... i.e. being depressed ourselves made our children depressed. I've always believed depression is genetic though the concept of nature vs nurture is not lost on me.

However, the constant that keeps me believing I'm doing ok is how my eldest child has turned out.

We were always close and had a good friendship that was steady throughout our lives. We were each others' confidant and yet I always remained 'the boss'. It is important that you be a parent first, friend second. You must teach your child to have respect for you and others and to obey the rules, and you do this by:

1) Standing your ground.
2) Being fair.

If you don't stand your ground children walk all over you. If you aren't fair children grow up resenting you, and you must be respectful to children in order to have them remain respectful towards you, especially as they become adults.

My eldest child has never spoken rudely to me, never raised a voice to me, never used bad language directed at me and rarely even in front of me. Sure we disagree at times, yet we are always respectful to each other. There are no put-downs, mocking, insults or aggro. Only common courtesy that grows as we grow. We listen and learn, to and from each other. In turn, other siblings see this and learn from this also, as well as the fact that I am respectful to them and do not tolerate them being disrespectful.

This type of attitude reflects on their interactions with others out in the world, their work colleges, bosses, partners, school and friends.

If I had yelled, ranted, insulted and any other negative parenting style they'd have grown up doing the same and not been well balanced or well adjusted.

It can be hard dealing with children, it can be hard to keep your cool. Yet, you must remember these little people will soon be big people and you should treat them with the same respect you treat other adults, because you are raising adults!

P.S: If you're an adult who is disrespecting, abusing, screaming, ranting, raving... seek help. Talk to friends. Ask for a break. Get that time out. Talk to a doctor or counselor. There are people out there designed to help you no matter what you need.