Ask your children to work together

My children squabble, bicker, antagonise, fight, push, shove. It's as though when they're in the near vicinity of each other they have to disagree about something.

Stopping children from fighting is tricky. I've been trying all heir lives!

Strategies that work sometimes are mediating, talking to each child about how they're feeling and things that are going on in their world; in front of siblings, giving them chores. I also talk about how we parents aren't pushing and shoving and hitting each other. I tell them sometimes I'm sure we almost feel tempted to punch or slap or say something nasty but we're adults, we don't argue that way. It's not the done thing. It is the same with siblings and school and friendships and relationships and the work force. Hitting doesn't really sort out much of anything. Communicating works best.

One thing I tried recently was asking them to work on dinner together. I was too unwell to cook and I asked the children to do the honours. Telling them they had to work together, giving them the recipe and telling them to work out who was doing what. The minute they starting running through the menu there was nit-picking, which turned into more. I had to get up and intervene. Reminding them that if they were in a work force or some such situation they'd had to be able to do this without fighting.

One child cracked the frustrations and sauntered off. The dinner was cooked without them and we all ate.

Not a raging success.

Next came them making dessert (working together on dinner was a flop, let's try again doing something sweet). This time the children knew what was expected. They have to get along and delegate and work together. It's a test of sorts. A challenge. Can they do it? Second time was better. They selected parts they would do; get out pots, gather ingredients, cooking utensils, cutlery. Who is doing which step at what stage. It was better. Still, there were squabbles and me having to sort things out. They did finish and worked together. No one storming off this time.

The next time they had to cook dinner, things went really well except I gave advice in a way they didn't understand. Cook the gnocchi, add the pesto. The pesto was added to the water the gnocchi was cooking in. Oops. I was cross with myself for not advising better. Dinner was not a waste though, we turned it into a pesto minestrone of sorts with melted cheese on top and it was actually tasty.

I'm lucky it only took 3 attempts for them to pick it up and work well together. It's not a regular enough occurrence to push their levels of tolerance of each other or having to take on yet another chore. Yet often enough that they have to learn to work together. While they also learn to cook and I get some time off.

Do your children work well together? Do they or could they work together on dinner or dessert or both?