I am matriarch

My children idolise their dad. He isn't home as often as I am and doesn't spend as much time with them as I do, plus he also plays the good guy when he is with them. It's only natural they they adore him.

My youngest child told me the other day that they love dad more than me. I told them "I know" in my super understanding voice and that was that. Sure there was a small part of me that felt hurt. 

At the same time I know I am the matriarch in my family.

My children look up to me and they respect me. I know this because sometimes when dad is telling them to stop doing something they'll continue until I walk in the room. Then they'll stop what they're doing straight away without me having to say a word. They know I will back their dad and I say what I mean and mean what I say.

People should earn the right to be in your children's lives

I have a brother who is angry. He's often losing his temper. Recently we had a conversation after one of his outbursts, that resulted in me saying "No more" to him being in our lives. He accused me of altering my children's perception of him and withholding them (and other family members) from him.

He doesn't realise him flipping a chess game and pieces all over the place because he accidentally spilled some wine, while playing chess with one of my children, had them develop their own perception of him (he's got a temper).

Here's the thing, neither he nor anyone else is entitled to be in my children's lives no matter how much they might like and want a relationship with my children.

I am their protector. People have to earn the right to be in my children's lives and they have to work at holding onto that prestige. It's not a given simply because we are related or that you know me.

It is the same for people who are friends with my partner and I who assume their children should be in my children's lives. They're basically imposing their brats onto us. We do not have to accept that. After the situation of their children being badly behaved; killing creatures, hurting my children and being disrespectful to adults, we went out of way to keep those children away from ours. 

Eventually they asked us why and I told them, our children clash, best to keep them separated.

You should be doing this as well. Have people who enter your life prove they are worthy and hold them accountable for actions that show they are not worthy.

Your children are precious and life is precarious enough without letting bad people into your children's lives.

Detention centers and children

I've never met someone from a detention center such as the one in Darwin where Aboriginal children are locked up for petty crimes and abused. Yet I've all heard about the bad things that happen there. People ending up in there for petty reasons, minor offenses, usually their race plays a significant part, and in some cases nothing much at all lands them inside. Then they're treated badly by those in charge of caring for them!

Who are the people working there? How did they get the job? Did they pass some type of humanity test? This can't be the best we get or all we have to offer these children? Where are the good role models running these facilities? Instead they seem to have come from terrible places, come to dump their low self esteem on those stuck in these terrible places. 

They probably think it's big person stuff to oppose another's wishes and well being. They're really just adult bullies. People who bully just for the sake of being able to kid themselves, see I'm big!

Bullies are ugly, yet bullies are raised... by bullies. They learn how to bully in order to win and to survive. This is why it is so important to teach bullies the answer is NO. NO you're not going to hurt and offend children incarcerated. You're not going to demean them, big note yourself, do unto them as you'd never want done to you! If you going to treat people so deplorable you're fired!

It feels as though we're raising more and more people to feel entitled to be cruel, to bully, to think they have to be big and powerful to matter, that dumping on another person in no position of power makes the abuser feel more powerful.

People in a position of control over others should NOT be treating others as though they have no worth. EVER!

If you have to belittle others in order to feel powerful, you have NO power!

Think about that.