When should I put my children to bed?

According to the above chart if your 5yo wakes at 7:30am you should keep them up until 8:30pm... or keep your 8yo up until 9pm - even though young adult TV time begins at 7:30pm and adult TV time begins at 8:30pm (which suggests children should be in bed by then).

Now I know parenting is diverse. 

I've met parents who keep their 2yo up until they go to bed themselves (around 11pm) because they can't get her to stay in bed. I know parents who keep their 10yo up until 10pm or 11pm (he struggles at school and they can't imagine why). In fact I've met all manner of parents with varying bedtimes and yet I've met very few parents who actually put their children to sleep at reasonable hours.

If I drew up a bedtime chart it would look VERY different to the one above. 

Turn the TV off

Do you struggle to get your children's attention because they've got their head buried in an iPad, laptop, game or TV?

In this electronic babysitter era it can be hard to get your child's attention. The devices can be hypnotising with monotonous music and repetitive actions... and your voice is but a distant sound off in the far yonder. 

Sometimes I'll ask my children something and get ignored. 

"What? Did somebody say something?" They wonder for all of about half a second before being lost in their virtual world again.

To get their attention sometimes I need to get drastic!

I might ask a second time and if I still don't get an answer I'll go right up to them and look them in the eye until they look at me. Sometimes I'll turn the TV off or take their gadgets away mid play. They'll protest and say they're going to die (in the game) if I don't give it back.

"Too bad," I say, "It's nothing compared to what might happen if you continue to ignore me." 

Such as maybe the device will be banned for a day, two days, a week.

What methods do you use to get your child's attention when their gadgets stop them from paying attention to you?

Sloth

I visited a house where the stay at home mum doesn't clean or tidy up. I don't know what she does with all her time at home not working, but her small flat is a pig sty.

You walk in to find clothes, shoes and house hold items, large and small, all over the floor, coffee tables, couches. There is literally nowhere to sit! Entering the kitchen there is a giant pile of clothes in the kitchenette and dirty dishes covering every inch of bench space and piled up in the sink. The other rooms are much the same.

How someone lives their life is their deal, it doesn't affect me directly and has no bearing on my life. Although is has every affect and bearing on her daughter's life.

This lady had a baby, then a toddler, then a small girl who will grow into a teen, then adult, living in this filthy environment. What does living like this teach that little girl? Not to mention the danger such an environment poses. The little girl could put something in her mouth and choke, not to mention the germs and so forth.

As an adult you re free to live your life how you choose. As a parent you HAVE to think about how your lifestyle choices affect your children. It is not good enough to have children and live in whatever sty you like. You need to make good and decent adult choices... or perhaps think about whether you're really ready to be a parent.

5 toilet rules

1) Try not to make a mess or drip.

2) If you do mess, clean it up.

3) Wipe your bottom property.

4) Flush.

5) Put the seat down and take any empty toilet roll holders with you.

I have this list for my children to help make toilet time a little bit easier for them.  If you tell a young child to clean up after themselves or do certain things when it comes to going to the toilet, they're very likely to forget.

If you have a simple list for them to see and follow it makes learning easier for them and your job that little bit easier as well (with any luck), and after a while it becomes second nature.

Say the magic word

Please.

Please is the magic word!

I was at a children's party standing round talking to one of the dads while children played noisily around us.  Children laughing, playing, running here and there, having fun.  Groups of parents talking to each other. 

While I was talking with one dad my child came up and said "Can I have some cheezles?" It was great that they were asking because some children would just eat what ever's there, but my child wanted to know which foods he can have, and which ones might be off limits (such as soft drink).

I kept talking to the dad as though my child hadn't spoken. The man was surprised and stopped talking to look at my child but I acted as though I'd heard nothing.

My child asked again "Can I have some cheezles?" I still said nothing and acted as though I couldn't hear him. By now the man was squirming a bit and thinking I am a very rude mother not acknowledging my child. I didn't let what this man was thinking of me change my tactic.

Then my child says "Can I please have some cheezles?"

"Yes," I beamed at my child, happy that he'd used his manners. My child smiled too, happy that I'd said yes and he'd remembered the magic word.

The man nearly fell over he was so surprised. He had thought I was being deliberately rude and couldn't understand why. When my child asked using the magic word he was stunned and amazed and no doubt a little (very) impressed.

My children know if they don't use their manners the answer is no, or quite often I won't answer at all.

If they say huh? I don't repeat myself. I wait for them to say pardon. If they ask nicely for something I don't let go until they say thank you, or will take it back until they say thank you. 

They have learned manners must be used no matter what.

Are you a good foreman?

There is a picture that depicts what it means to be a boss (to tell someone what to do) vs a leader (to show someone how to do it). Lead by example.

I'm sure a great many of us have experienced a really awful boss, supervisor, team leader, or work colleague and come away from the experience disliking that person for how they left us feeling.

When it comes to parenting it's much the same.

You have to be a good foreman and run the ship in a respect and decent manner. You can't simply be demanding, yelling a lot and berating people into submission. Or be lazy and expect others to do all the work, leaving your children to turn rotten. Or controlling, thinking you're the only one who can do it well so you berate your children for not doing a good enough job.

Don't make a rod for your own back, or your children's, and don't make your job harder than it needs to be.

The idea is to make your life and the life of your children as happy and peaceful as possible. 

To do this you need to be the type of foreman you'd like to have bossing you around.

Are you a good foreman?  Are you fair?  Are you respectful?  Or are you lazy, demanding, bullying... and generally someone others wouldn't (don't) like?

Do you ask for help?

On the day I become sick (with a chest infection) I was due to meet up with a friend. I had to cancel and when I did they told me to let them know if I needed anything. At the time I was thinking, "Well, yes I need some milk and bread and ..." but I would never have asked. Because my friend lives fifteen minutes drive away and has her own family to look after, but more than that; it's because I'm contagious and wouldn't want to give it to her or anybody else. So I didn't ask for help.

My sister phoned and I couldn't talk. She asked if I wanted her to bring over some chicken soup, nice of her to think of me. She lives an hour away by public transport and there is no way I'd ask that of her.

Then there is the flip side.

Teach your children to look after themselves...

It's flu season. Just about everyone I know is getting the flu or has family members getting the flu. This year's flu was particularly severe according to experts with record numbers recorded.

Recently I was unwell with a chest infection for almost two weeks, though only 6 days of that were spent bedridden. I had a wracking cough and had to sleep partially sitting up. Sleep was fitful with coughs waking me during the night. I could barely get a sentence out without coughing so I didn't say much, talked seldom, didn't give many directions to the children. After the chest infection was long over, the niggling cough I had took around 3 to 4 weeks to fully go away; before I could say a full sentence without setting off a coughing fit. 

During this time my children were troopers. When I didn't wake in the morning they got themselves ready for school, older siblings helping younger ones. I would come out and see them off, giving them a hug before they left, making sure they got out the door okay. By then they'd already had their breakfast, gotten dressed, brushed teeth (at least I hope they did), made their lunches, packed their bags, then road to and from school together.

After getting home from school they made themselves snacks and basic dinners like bake beans and eggs on toast, two minute noodles, party pies and sausage rolls they could heat up in the oven. Nothing considerably healthy but not super unhealthy either. They weren't eating lollies and ice cream and chips and they were still eating fruit and some vegetables.

How lucky are your children?

By lucky I don't mean spoiled. I don't mean to they get everything they want. I mean how good are their experiences? 

As one of my children cracks open a coconut, tips out the juice and begins to scrape out the coconut flesh to enjoy I realise they're experiencing something lucky. They are unaware of that. All they know is they asked if they could get a coconut, mum said yes and now they're trying one out.

My child doesn't know that when mum was a little girl she never experienced such a thing and most likely would have been told no if she'd asked. Were coconuts even in the supermarket when I was little?

They're not thinking about the thousands of people living in poverty who don't get to eat let alone have their own coconut.

They don't know that their obese friend will never get to experience something like that.