Never do for your children what they can do for themselves

Do you do tasks for your children? Do you do their washing? Clean their room? Cook their dinner? Make their lunch? Do all the house chores?

Do they help out or do they sit around all day taking it all for granted? Are they old enough to help out and be doing more? 

Remember these people have to leave home and KNOW how to do all this for themselves. That is what you're setting them up for.

For e.g.

Do you do all the work while complaining that you do all the work; yet never asking for help (or rather yelling and ranting that no one is helping and no one ever does!)?

Do you do all the work while your family is largely absent, ie. on electronics, hibernating all day, coming out only to eat, while you're slaving your butt off?

Do you just randomly go in and clean your children's rooms? Or do all the house work chores: toilets, bathrooms, kitchen, laundry; while your children do some chores but not much?

Or do you share the load completely?

This is what your children (daughters follow mothers & sons follow dads) will do when they're out of home. Some might develop some more workable behaviors, some won't.

As we reach certain ages or milestones we're able to do different things, and this list grows as we get older. People can do A LOT of different things. We are very capable and adaptable, so are your children! Remember this!

Doing everything (or most things) for your children can have dire effects.

For e.g.

You will end up exhausted and tired and resentful and even lonely and depressed. You can end up feeling overwhelmed and taken for granted. You might explode every so often because your feel frustrated and used. 

When your children leave home and get partners they will most likely mimic their parents behavior and merge two different behavioral styles (their's and their partners). Is what you've taught them enough to make theirs, their partners and their children lives pleasant?

Will they grow up into functioning adults who contribute to the running of a household?

We're not born knowing how to do household chores. They have to be taught. 

And housework isn't fun. Ask anybody who dislikes doing house work (me!) and they'll tell you: it is not something they grew up wishing to do because of the joy of it!

Although it can be therapeutic to some and certainly rewarding to have done a job well done.

The point is: don't do for your children what they can do for themselves. Get them into helping out. Teach them how to manage a house at age appropriate stages giving them more chores as they age; within reason!

Set them up for success outside in the big wide world, with jobs, running a household, having relationship, and children of their own.