Have thoughtful conversations

A conversation started with my children when one asked what beverage they could buy from the school canteen. The choices were fruit juice, soft drink or flavoured milk, and the question was which has the most sugar?  

I had to admit I didn’t have a clue what the correct answer was and I asked my children what they thought was the better option. This got us talking about which beverage is better i.e. the least unhealthy option.

Fruit juice can be made with real fruit and contain natural healthy sugars, though how much fructose is too much I don’t know. Fruit juice can also contain a low percentage of fruit juice and large amounts of water, sugar and flavourings.

Soft drinks are loaded with sugar and artificial colours and flavours. Some soft drinks, such as cola, also contain questionable chemicals (as might other beverages via preservatives and additives).

Flavoured milk is also choc full of sugars and artificial colours and flavours.

Lord of the flies

We had a Lord of The Flies moment here the other weekend when we had a family friendly party, children welcome. The more the merrier...

Activities were set up, paper, stickers, toy tracks, the backyard lit up so children could play outside, a garden to explore, trees to climb, balloons to throw around. I'd talked to my children telling them they were to help look after younger guests, make sure they're having fun and not doing anything they're not allowed (i.e. breaking house rules).

At first children were shy and hiding beside parents then gradually they began to move around and explore. For the most part they were lost in crowds and only a few people went around checking on the children; that is, the more studious adults. Including myself, I went and checked on the children outside a couple of times.

One time one of my children was climbing up a tree to get away from everyone. I wondered what was happening to make them feel this way so I stuck around and watched for a while. A younger girl was also trying to climb up the tree and my child was being rude and disrespectful to her, insisting she stay down and not come near him. She wanted to climb the tree like my child and so on up she went. Nothing seem untoward and I head inside to check on guests.

Later I find my child in their room red faced, in tears and hysterical, saying that the little girl is following them everywhere, the others are annoying them and their nemesis (a relative who doesn't get along with my child & vice versa) was harassing them. I have words with another sibling telling them to go to their upset sibling and look after them. Make sure they're ok and no one bothers them. I leave them in bedroom to calm down.

The next morning when it's quiet I take the time to ask my child exactly what happened after I went inside leaving them to climb the tree.

How strict am I?

Just how strict a parent am I and how do I compare to you and others?  Let's explore that...

My child was told by my partner that they could not go to their friend's after school because they'd been the night before, and my partner felt it was best to at least go every second night. I agreed.

When my partner left for work I reiterated to my child that they needed to come home after school, no going to the friend's house. They asked if the friends could come back to our house and I said that's fine.

Come 5:30pm my child isn't home from school and phones from the friend's house asking if they could stay for dinner. Um... no! You were meant to come home straight after school!

The father of the friend returns my child home and suggests we have pre-organised days where my child can go over such as Tuesdays and Fridays. He said if his child didn't come home he would have been worried. I wasn't worried, I knew where my son was... I was angry! I said it's not about the days so much, although I don't want them going over too often, it's about them deliberately disobeying me.

I thanked the man for dropping my child home, closed the front door and said to my child, "Time for bed, night night, it's not up for discussion, off you go, see ya later.."

They go to bed without dinner and are grounded for the rest of the week (including the weekend).

That's how strict I am.  

It's unlikely my child will disobey us again in this regard. They might try to push other boundaries (this child is a little more rebellious than his siblings) to which I will put my foot down, but it's doubtful they'll do this particular thing again.

How about you? What would you do in this situation? How would handle being blatantly disobeyed?

Phrases and sayings I grew up with

"This hurts me more than it hurts you."

Debatable since it usually meant we were getting a hiding. Chances are it hurts the children way more than mum or dad.

"I'm doing this because I love you."

Um... yeah.  Your way of showing loving through hitting us because we were naughty isn't quite sending me the I love you message you think it's sending.

"Stop crying or you'll get another one."

Really love that one. Stop crying about being hurt (hit/belted) or else you get more hittings or beltings.  Sounds reasonable... NOT!

"Say that again and I'll wash your mouth out with soap."

This did help us children not to swear or cuss, especially since sometimes mum used our teeth as a soap grater. Yuk!

"If you swallow apple seeds you'll have a tree growing out your ears."

I believed this wholeheartedly as a child and had visions of trees growing out of people's bodies.

"If you eat your crusts your hair will go curly."

This myth is busted. I ate all my crusts all of the time and have dead straight hair to show for it.

"There's plenty of water in the tap."

Hated that one because sometimes I just wanted some cordial or food.

Mum = "Don't touch." 
Me = "I'm just looking." 
Mum = "You see with your eyes not your hands."

Fair point!

"It's rude to stair", "It's rude to point"

Again, fair point. Good manners. 

.........

What sayings did you grow up hearing and how did they affect you?

Bush walking

Personal Story.

This is one of my children.  A very entertaining and creative child.

~  We've lost a part to a bike and I'm heading off to find it in the bush were my child was riding. Another child comes up to me and tells me they know where it is. They saw it over there...

They take me on a hid and seek, over to an ant hill, up the valley, over to a fallen tree they were playing dragons near. Which direction was it again? A yes, off to a burnt stump, it was beside the stump, on fire, and it blew away.

The fire part makes me curious and blowing away? How could it? The part is too heavy to blow away in the wind.

Then it supposedly rolled down the hill and off we go for some more hide and seek. ~

Turns out they had no idea where the bike part was and simply wanted to walk around the bush with mum, telling stories and spending time together.

I'm not cooking seperate meals

There are mums who cook one meal for themselves and their partner and separate meals for their children because their children don't like to eat what the parents are eating.

There are mums who cook basic dishes only because they're the only meals the children will eat. She misses out on the types of food she likes because her children refuse to eat anything else.

There are mums who have partners with really plain palettes who won't eat anything remotely exciting, interesting, tasty or different. They either have to eat those bland meals or cook something separate for themselves.

I know mums who barely or rarely cook for their children because their children won't eat much of anything. So it's takeaway and junk food.

When it come to dinner time they way I see it is this. 

Making Phone Calls

"Answer me this…"  I asked one of my children after I got off the phone.

Phone calls have become a rare luxury in my house. Anytime I dare to make or receive a phone call I run the risk of this being the day my children decide to muck around, i.e. start a game they know will end badly (or should know because it’s happened before). Either one child is in tears because they didn’t like the game or rules but didn’t speak up and is now whinging after the fact. Or one is arguing with me about how the other one didn’t speak up so how are they to know they don’t like the game? Well, maybe because they didn’t like the game last time so there’s every chance they won't like it this time; or maybe because there was an audible change in the way they laughed, and if I can hear it while I'm on the phone, you should be able to hear it as well. Right?

First I talk to my dad, then my partner calls, so I luxuriously had two phone calls in a row. This also meant I was occupied for a longer period time and while the cat is away the mice shall play. 

During the phone call with dad I can hear them, so they’re making noise, but it’s not bad noise. At first one is painting while another is in their room tidying up. Then comes some louder talking and hanging around each other. When my partner calls they’re in the garage looking at their bikes. They talk on the phone with their dad for a bit then I leave them to their bikes while I continue my phone call.

After a while they’re no longer in the garage and I can hear them getting louder, mucking around more. One doesn’t sound overly happy but it’s hard to tell. I wish;

1) that they’re speak up for themselves and say I don’t like this game, 

2) that the other would know by now that this is a game the other is NOT going to like because it involves strength (which one sibling has over the other).

Cotton ball parenting

Do you let your children get dirty, muddy and wet? Do you let them climb trees? Do you let them eat food that dropped on the floor (assuming your house it not a pig sty)? Do you allow them to run and jump and ride a bike and get right into being a child?

Friends I know have a little girl they allow to be little girl, to run and fall and climb trees and explore her world.

Often other parents will say things like "She's climbing a tree! But what if she falls?" or "She fell over aren't you going to help her?"

Most of the time she falls and it's nothing, she's back on her feet running again. She's not crying and not in need of help. Imagine if her mum ran to her every time she fell! It's like saying don't move and don't have fun. And I've known children who weren't allowed to leave the couch when going to visit people, no matter how bored they were. Sad and awful and not fun.

As for climbing trees, I climbed trees when I was growing up, I still climb them now even though I did fall out of one as a teenager. I landed on my elbow and thought I broke my arm. My dad inspected the damage and all was well and I was able to go back out and climb some more, none the worse for ware.

I also had incredible bike accidents, though thankfully nothing more than bumps and scratches. And I ate of the ground and am still alive to talk about it.

Getting hurt is part of life. There are bee stings and falls, bike accidents and burns, a germy lolly on the ground that looks enticing to a small person, along with broken hearts as we get older. 

It is part of life and what experiencing life is all about. No matter what, we cannot save our children from everything that will hurt them during their life. It's all well to try the best you can to protect your children and keep them safe, however you still must let them learn about and explore their world.  

Teach them the things they can do, teach them they're strong and capable and courageous and curious.  Let them be children and allow them to have as much fun as they can.

Take your children tadpoling

Tadpoling. Remember that? How many of you went tadpoling with your dad, or your siblings, or the neighbourhood kids?

It seems to be a fading tradition these days because we've built up suburbia and practically live on top of each other. Who even knows where the tadpole are any more... right?

They're there still, it's just a matter of taking the time to look. It might be the local creek or duck pond or even storm water collection point.

My partner took our children tadpoling and they loved it. I was happy that they knew where to find them (a pool of storm water under a small bridge) and how to pass on this activity to the children. They came home with a couple of tadpoles that we put in a fish tank and watched as they became frogs, then set them free.

It's a glorious thing to watch a frog develop and morph, much like how children morph into adults only it's quicker for frogs.

What childhood activity did you love and have passed onto your child/ren?