The point of being a parent is to raise adults! To show your children how to be a respectable and decent adult when they grow up.
Experts say adults should never argue in front of children but I think it really depends. If you can have a civil conversation with someone about something you disagree on then this would teach children, who may be watching, that this is how discussions and resolutions are had.
If you cannot discuss without it blowing up into a bad fight then yes, you should not argue in front of children.
If you raise your children in a drama filled boxing match they'll most likely grow up following in those footsteps.
When it comes to relationships you want to teach your children what a good relationship looks like and what to do if a relationship is bad. You want to teach them self respect and respect for others. It is important to have conversations with them about being and adult and how relationships work... without involving them in he said/she said BS.
To give an example:
One of my children asked me why I was upset about something my partner had done. I didn't throw my partner under a bus, didn't put them down, call then names or cuss them out. Didn't make out like they're the bad guy.
I stated matter of factually, "I feel their actions were hypocritical because they wouldn't have liked it if I'd done that thing?"
This teaches my children that parents don't always see eye to eye and we do have disagreements. Yet they're amicable for the most part. We can express our annoyance with each other without it leading to a personal attack. This also teaches our children how to work through conflict because it's going to occur in many aspects of their lives, not just their relationships.
When I was growing up I don't recall my parents fighting yet they got divorced. Years later mum told me her and dad couldn't communicate and would go days/weeks without talking. She wanted to go to a counselor, dad didn't. In the end they got a divorce. Thing is, as children my siblings and I never learned conflict resolution because we never saw conflict, let alone anything getting resolved.
This is why I don't feel bad if my partner and I have honest, open discussions in front of the children. If they see us working through our disagreements in an amicable way this teaches them how to do this themselves.
We're not always civil and do raise our voices from time to time, for example if my partner does something like have a stab at me in front of the children I ask my partner to apologise in front of the children so they see this and learn 1) having a stab at someone is no ok 2) if you do put someone down you need to apologise.
How do you go about teaching your children about healthy relationships? Have any tips to share with others?
How do you go about teaching your children about healthy relationships? Have any tips to share with others?
No comments:
Post a Comment