One of my children has struggled to make friends and recently made friends with two brothers. Those brothers already had a group of friends they call their gang. The trouble is this gang haven't embraced my child and treat him badly, and the brothers don't seem to do much about it by way of standing up for my child.
Kind of made me wonder if my child is a patsy, someone they let into the group for others to pick on?
I met the parents of the boys and the dad was talking about how he doesn't like one of the other children from the group because he's a bad apple.
Ironically, his kids are allowed to play 15+ shoot up kill 'em games (at age 10), listen to revolting hip hop/rap music with crass lyrics and words like 'mother f**ker', help themselves to whatever junk food is in the pantry, eat said junk food in copious amounts, leave rubbish everywhere, they ride their bikes like maniacs harassing pedestrians and nearly getting hit by cars because no one has taught them road rules and road safety, they swear like troopers. The mother is apparently home but rarely seen; she's off somewhere neglecting her boys... And their friend is the bad apple!
When I picked up my child from their house once and heard the foul language rap song I told then, they're no longer allowed to go to that house. If they wanted to hang out with these friends they all had to come to our place. When they came to our house they brought one of the boys who harasses my child saying they're not coming unless the bad apple comes too; no regard for the fact that my child doesn't like this boy. Here I got to see them for what they're really like. Feral children who are so neglected/spoiled by their parents they have no real understanding of how to be in this world. I tried to talk with them, like I do with my own children and they stood there, not replying, looking at me as those I was an alien. Zero ability or desire to interact with an adult. While I do feel sorry for them I've no time for people who mistreat my child.
So I had the talk with my child and had to explain what real and fake friends look like, and the importance of standing up for yourself and not tolerating bad behavior. From here on in they'll only be able to see these kids at school. There will be no hanging out with each other outside of school and my child is to find some new friends; because these children don't respect my child. They are an amazing, caring, kind, respectful, intelligent person who deserves friends who are as considerate and nice as they are.
It was a hard conversation to have because my child has struggled to make friends, finally makes some and they're awful. I don't want my child to be friendless, yet at the same time these boys were never really my child's friends and certainly NOT the type of children I want my child to hang around.
Have you been in a similar situation? How did you handle it?
Update: my child went to their house one more time and asked his friends how come their house is so messy. Apparently they never clean their rooms and there is food wrappers and all manner of crap all over the place. This question, overheard by the mum, was so offensive to her she told her son's not to have my child there ever again.
I'm glad she said that because I wanted my child away from hers and now both her and I agree he can't go there any more. Yet the irony of her allowing her children to listen to vulgar music without offense, yet this question offender her, is not lost on me.
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