Purpose or pleasure?

According to studies on happiness: happiness generally falls into two categories, purpose or pleasure.  Spending time with children either gives us purpose or pleasure, with the majority of us feeling that parenting is purposeful and not pleasurable.

I'm one of the rare ones where spending time with my children gives me more pleasure than purpose, though of course purpose is always relevant.

I genuinely enjoy the company of my children. I talk with them and interact with them and like to get to know them. Like having new friends you learn more about them with each interaction. Plus, children change and develop as they grow up so there is always something new to learn about them.

I have other parents who ask me questions like: do you find the teen years stressful? Do you experience operational defiance? How do you deal with moody teens, tantrums, not eating dinner, not doing what they're told etc.?

For the most part I don't have these issues with my children because I taught them when they were young what I do and don't expect from them and also what they can and cannot expect from me. I will not berate my children, I will not bully or insult them, I will not beat or belt them, I will not discourage them or teach them negative self beliefs. I will teach them their strengths, to feel positive about themselves, to know they can, to be positive contributors to our society, to be the best they can be.

I lead by example. I cannot hit my children then say "Don't hit your siblings." I cannot yell at my children then say "Talk to me with respect." I treat them how I want to be treated and I teach them how to treat me.

This in turn means our interactions are pleasant for the most part and at the very least, respectful.

Recently someone asked me how I knew how to do this? Did I read books? Did I watch videos, do parenting classes, have instruction. A fair bit of it came from my own parents who were very good at demanding respect, some came from conversations and bits of information I've picked up over the years, however, most of it came from common sense. If I want to be treated a certain way I must teach my children about that, and also I shouldn't do anything to them I wouldn't want done to me.

I remember what it was like growing up. The good parts and bad parts. I learned all about respect from my parents, and I also learned that I disliked being hit and called names, or being ignored and largely unheard. When raising my own family, I wanted better for my children. I wanted to be their ally, be there for them during easy and tough times. I wanted to be a fun parent and to make my children's lives pleasurable. This in turn made my life pleasurable. 

Are you struggling with interactions with your children? 

You can ask me questions and I'll happily answer to the best of my ability.