Give them a reason to leave their room

Is your teen/child spending tones of time in their bedroom hunched over a computer screen?

I'm sure I described just about every child almost everywhere? If this isn't you, what's your secret?

This is my children right now. On their devices for checking in, checking emails, school work, home work, chat with friends, listening to music, playing games. I wonder if it's called de'vice for a reason (vice = immoral or whicked. I'd also add addiction)?

It can be almost impossible to get teens in particular out of their rooms. They grumble about wanting to be left alone.

Previously I wrote about talking with teens, how to have those conversations. What if your teen won't leave their room? Well, they have to leave some times to go to the toilet, shower, eat, put clothes in the wash.

My child recently came out of their room to eat dinner. Perfect time to pounce, and by pounce I mean slink in like a smooth black cat. The conversation needs to be pleasant and engaging. Something my child won't dislike and run away from. I've talked about clashes between parenting styles. Here's an example of what that looks like and why you should avoid it.

My partner comes over to our child, agitated by some bad news the child received from school, expressing that agitation verbally. The child and I have already talked, amicably, and sorted it out. Now we're tense and my partner is grumbling.

Another child comes out to have lunch and my partner asks them if they logging in on time, keeping up with school work, any outstanding assignments; checking the child is on top of things. The child is not keen on talking about school, they're on a break. The child gives shorts answers and my partner digs for more. The child runs back into the bedroom to escape that line of questioning.

My partner is interrupting the children while they're doing school work to complain about something that hasn't been done in a tone that sounds like badgering the witness (they'd make a good lawyer). I shoo my partner away, advising that we raise these issues when the children are free.

When my child comes out of the room to eat dinner I ask, what they've been up to. Making something out of cardboard. I engage in that topic and they show me their work and we talked about it. The topic of school will also come up, in an easy going friendly way. I check if they need anything.

Can you see the difference between the two styles?

One will cause the child to hibernate more while the other engages in a somewhat meaningful conversation, getting to spend time with the child before they run back to their room to hibernate some more.

Which is more your parenting style?