Talk about being fair

One thing children often squabble over is lack of fairness in a game. When one party is calling all the shots and making all the rules and they win all of the time (it's usually the bigger or older child calling the shots).

It's one of those situations that make the other kids whine and sook because they want it to be fair yet can't get it to change; because they're not strong enough or big enough or brave enough to stand up to the other sibling. They'll call in the artillery, in this case the parents or adults, and get their help in sorting things out.

An annoying scenario to any adult who sees the situation and insists on children playing fair because the children always say they are or they will play fair... and never do.

The little girl who won't eat

I have a friend who has a daughter and from the moment she could eat it seemed she didn't want to, she didn't like food. Not real food anyway.

Instead her diet consisted of BBQ shapes, potato chips, cheezles, tiny teddies, chocolate, flavoured milk, soft drink and other high processed treats. Give her anything nutritious and she'd carry on and protest and refuse to eat. Maybe she'd go for some pasta but certainly no fruit or vegetables or meat.

This pore little girl was constipated ALL the time and was so scared to go to the toilet, because it would hurt, that she would hold on for days. Making going to the toilet all the more scary and painful.

You give me no, I'll give you no

My child is starting to try and defy me and stand up for themselves more. They're at that age where they feel they're growing up and should have more control over me and the things they're allowed to do.

Most children will go throw various phases of trying to stand up to their parents, of trying to gain the upper hand. This could be because they're spoiled and feel entitled, or it could be because they're permanently squashed and will one day rebel and fight back. Or, in my child's case, it could be because they go through a phase of feeling like everything is unfair and they feel hard done by.

That's not to say those feelings aren't true for them, or valid. Still, it's all about how a child goes about trying to get a better more fairer deal for themselves.

Dealing with meltdowns

It's normal for people to have meltdowns. We all do it from time to time. Sometimes we've let a situation get the better of us for too long and we eventually hit breaking point and our world comes crashing down.

This could be stress at work, a partner treating you badly for too long, or a child who has bad a big long tiring day who goes into meltdown mode.

As adults we might yell or scream or swear, or continue to hold it in and become very unhealthy or negative. As a child it tends to result in tears, defiance and tantrums.

My child had such a meltdown recently. We'd had a big eventful day that resulted in lots of physical activity and lots of energy being spent. Needless to say the little one was tired by around 4pm. Just before dinner was served he went into meltdown mode. Crying profusely at nothing in particular. The end of the world had come.

The trouble with bigoted parents is

They pass their negative views of the world onto their children. This can be anything from hating gays to hating Muslims, from hating other races to hating single mothers.

Bigoted = obstinately or unreasonably attached to a belief, opinion, or faction, and intolerant towards other people's beliefs and practices.

If you carry on about how bad these people are in front of your children, they too will grow up with your twisted views of the world. In some cases those children will grow up and realise your views were bigoted and form their own more fairer views of the world. In other cases they'll follow along with the family legacy you or your parents or grandparents before you created and reek havoc on the world. Just like you have.

If you don't want your child to watch it turn it off

Are you one of those parents who monitors what your children watch and make sure it's suitable and
age appropriate? No swearing, no nudity, no violence, no adult content? Or are you one of those parents who think it's ok for children to be exposed to those things so long as their parents explain the context of what's being shown? Assuming all parents who allow their children to view adult content actually do explain anything to them (what percentage do you suppose that is?).

You would have heard the saying, "If you don't want your child to watch it turn it off".

That has to be one of the most ignorant and irrational sayings I've ever heard. The type of people who say that either don't have children, don't care about the inappropriate things on TV or radio, have no intention of going against the inappropriate things going on around them because it's too much hassle, or have a vested interest in airing adult content. It's their way of shoving it under the carpet and putting the responsibility back on to parents.

Compliment your children

If  there is one thing I couldn't stress enough as a parent it's this: compliment your children. 

Don't over do it. Don't raise one of those pampered beauty pageant type kids who think they're gods gift to the world even though they haven't actually done a great deal to make a difference to the world. Keep it real and make it simple.

It is a good thing to try and find out the things your child likes to be told. You can do this by talking to them and finding out their interests, or you can do it by trial and error and see what lights them up.

Children tend to like hearing simple appreciative things like: good manners, thanks for helping, I hear you playing nicely, good job, good work, it's nice to see you smile, I like hearing you laugh, hello gorgeous / handsome / beautiful / precious, wow you ate all your dinner, well done, you're awesome.

If your dealing with teenagers the compliments could be a bit more adult like: tell me that funny story again, I love seeing you happy, thanks for putting the dishes away, you're a great listener, good job on your assignment.

Do you know where your children are?

A friend was telling me about a story in the news of two 15 year old boys who were stabbed while walking around late at night. The first thing she said was, "Why were they allowed to walk around at night?" My thoughts exactly. Where were these boy's parents keeping them home and safe? Why were they allowed to roam the streets late at night (the attack happened around 10:30pm)? Why did their parents not know or care where they were?

I want vs can I please have

Child: "I want (insert item)."
Parent: "I want 1 million dollars delivered by Keanu Reeves but that's not going to happen."

Point: you can't always get what you want.

I was out and about shopping and I heard a little girl in a stroller whine to her mum, "I want juice!" She whinged and cried and demanded a particular colour while the mum tried to keep her happy and comply.

Such a rude disrespectful way to speak to your parents. 'I want' is a demand no child should be making. It's even worse when the parent responds with ok, alright or yes. This only reinforces the child's belief they're allowed to be demanding and get everything they want.