Getting children ready for school

Do you struggling in the morning to get your children ready for school? Are your mornings chaos with meltdowns and tantrums and lazy children who are distracted by TV or can't find their shoes (because they're not really looking)? Are you doing all the work making all the lunches, getting school clothes ready, packing bags, finding missing items? Do you spend your mornings feeling frazzled and yelling at your children?

One of the easiest things you can do to help your mornings run smoothly and to get your children to help out is to write a list of things that need to be done. Specifically the things your children need to do.

Maybe your child has just started school this year and is not use to the new routine and all the bits that go with getting ready for school (because it's much different to kinder). Make a basic list for them to follow:

1. Have breakfast
2. Brush teeth
3. Get dressed
4. Pack bag

In the early stages you'll still be doing the bulk of the work because your child is still young; making lunches, helping to pack bags and get your child ready for school. Yet there are certain steps for them to learn early on so they know how to get ready for school, get into a routine and take on some of the responsibility.

As they get older this list will grow and include things like them making their lunches, remembering their drink bottle, putting their school clothes in a certain spot so they know where to find them the next morning, making sure they've got their reader, school diary and homework packed.

Keep the list you make on the fridge and point to each step asking your child if they've each step. Eventually your child will know what is expected of them, know they things they have to do as apposed to the bits you're doing and you can work together to get ready, instead of you having to do it all and being overwhelmed.

And remember: do not let them watch TV before school!

The system is broken

In days gone by it was acceptable to hurt and beat your children into submission. There is that old saying "Spare the rod, spoil the child." As though a child who was never hit with a rod was instantly a spoiled brat.

Around the 1970/80's people began to get psychological about parenting and bringing to light how hitting and berating your children was emotionally and mentally damaging. Still it took a while to catch on because those old parenting ways of hitting instead of talking were ingrained in our society. Even now we have the great smacking debate with parents and experts still unable to agree on whether we should be allowed to smack our children or not? You still get parents saying, "I was smacked and I turned out ok."

Firstly smacking is different to child abuse (in which children often come out damaged). We need to get straight about that! One small whack, tap or light hit on a bottom (which is what a smack is) is not abuse. It's not necessarily necessary and there are other ways to get a child to behave... still it doesn't equate as abuse. How the smack occurs determines whether it is abuse or not, it's not primarily abuse simply because it occurred.

I once witnessed a mother hit her small daughter on the bum repeatedly, over and over again, because her daughter had touched and broken a glass bottle in a supermarket. To the staff and supermarket managers one broken bottle by a little girl was nothing. To the mother, who seemed to take it badly, it seemed to hurt her ego as a parent: as though she'd failed somehow because her daughter broke someone else's property. Firstly it was an accident. Secondly she was very young little girl, 2 or 3. Thirdly the reaction by the mother was far too excessive and I called her up on it, whereby she looked at me embarrassed and quickly walked off dragging her daughter behind her. That was abuse and I doubt very highly, if that was a regular occurrence in that little girls' world that she turned out ok. She didn't look ok at the time, she looked terrified and unable to escape her mother's clutches and repeated whacks. She cried and flinched and did not seem to understand what was happening to her or why. Heartbreaking.

The slap

Have you ever wanted to hit someone else's child? 

Hitting children in general is no longer encouraged though a great many parents still don't mind the use of a hit now and again to deal with an unruly child. Hitting someone else's child is almost the worst thing you can. It seems to offend another parent's sensibilities, especially if they're not into smacking, which is fair enough.

I hit another person's child once. I was 14 and had been babysitting for the local neighbourhood for years. Although I was young I was a good and trustworthy babysitter. I could change nappies, give babies bottles, tuck toddlers into bed, play games and entertain children, tidy up after children, feed children and tidy the kitchen. I didn't bring boyfriends over, ignore the children or spend time on the phone. I did a honorable job making sure the children were safe and happy in my care.

This is why I was the local neighbourhood babysitter. My reputation spread and I was highly sought after and my rates were low.

One family I had worked for, for around a year, had a daughter around 10, a boy 8 and a baby, around 12months. Every afternoon after school I would go around to their house and mind the children until the parents came home around 6:30pm - 8:30pm. Either the dad or the mum had collected them from school and waited until I arrived before giving me instructions, then leaving me in charge. Sometimes I minded the children while the parents went out on dates.

The instructions might be things like they needed to be in bed by x time, don't give them any this or that, prepare their dinner, help with homework.

No one's talking about verbal abuse

There is a lot of talk about how damaging physical abuse is when it comes to raising children. We know more about the damage of physical abuse and how badly it can affect us as adults. When it comes to the topic of verbal abuse people assume it's the lesser or two evils.

From what I've seen of parents in action, a vast many still think it's ok to insult their child or call their children awful names. I've heard parents call their children all sorts of names and believe that because it is verbal, not physical, it's not abuse. Or even think because it's the truth it's ok, i.e. my daughter is being a bitch so it's ok if I call her a bitch. Yeah... I'm fairly certain that your child is wearing that name calling in a negative way you can't imagine and holding onto it as though it's fact. Because mummy or daddy says so it must be true.

Let me tell you a story about a woman I know.

Parenting Nazi

We've all heard the term grammar Nazi, a person who often corrects a persons grammar or spelling. Parenting Nazi is a term I've jokingly and affectionately coined for myself regarding parenting.

People are funny in that there are some things they don't mind being helped with and then there are things the refuse to accept help with. For example if your car breaks down and you don't know how to fix it, you've no problem letting someone else fix it for you. If the fan belt is broken and you're trying to replace it but you don't know how to do it you've no problem letting someone else show you how to replace it. You most likely won't be thinking, "Piss off you fan belt Nazi."

Yet if you're parenting style is broken and someone comes along and tries to help you, you'll most likely be agitated and very reluctant to accept that help. For example I know a mum whose parenting style is broken. Visiting her once she was on the verge of tears talking about how her children were overwhelming and stressing her out to the point of a nervous breakdown, and she was thinking about going on anti depressants.

Helicopter parent

We've all herd the term before: meaning a parent who constantly hovers over and around her (and other) children making sure they're safe and not in any danger of being hurt or doing something wrong.

Though now there is a new term being thrown around - the lawnmower parent: a parent who smooths out the path of their child so they don't ever had to face any adversity. 

I would say my parent style resembles helicopter parenting. I won't leave my children alone with people I don't know really well, I don't leave my children alone to fight their own battles if I can hear they're having difficulty coming to a resolution, I don't leave my children alone to deal with other not-so-nice children, teachers or adults. 

Talking to teens

Watching TV sitcoms and movies about life with teens it is if often depicted as hard and unpleasant, with these moody beings who talk back and grunt by way of communication.

Now and again there will be a show that has parents and teens getting along, talking with respect and open communication; it's not often though. Can you think of any off the top of your head?

When I watch those moody teens with parents who barely acknowledge or talk to them, or at best insult or react badly to situations, I cringe and wonder why those parents can't interact better with their teens (even though it's just a TV program or movie).

It's the same when I speak with parents who tell me to watch out because when my children are teenagers they're going to be hell to live with.  I've raised teens before and I've never found them to be hell to live with, but then again, I've not raised them to be hell to live with.

As a teen my parents barely spoke to me, they barely asked me what was going on in my world.  This resulted in a rift where my parents and I didn't know each other very well and kept lots of secrets from each other.

As a mother, with that type of upbringing,

Teachers do you even like children?

I touched on this topic in an earlier post.

Teachers. I've met my fair share of teachers whom I'm pretty sure don't like children, don't know how to be respectful to children, don't know how to garner respect from children (respect is earned), aren't very friendly towards children, are outright unfair and even  rude.

1. I've seen a male teacher repeatedly poke

Talk, don't yell!

I've met many people who are great at parenting. One such person was the friend who talked to me about consistency. When helping me parent my child he would sit the child down and talk to him at eye level, making sure the child looked at him while conversing. During the conversation he would talk about what had happened and what changes could be made to give us all a better outcome.

The talks wouldn't go for too long because if the conversation drags on the child becomes bored and the point will be lost.

This is how I've dealt with children since.