If your child is bad it's YOUR fault

Often I'll meet parents who complain about their children, including their adult children. Talking about how bad that person is, how bad they've turned out, all the bad things they're doing, the mistakes, how they hurt people. And it makes me want to go through these people like a dose of salts because If your child is BAD it's YOUR fault! You raised that child. You made that child who it is.

You reap what you sew. Your child is your creation. They are born a blank canvas that YOU write upon!!!!! Did I mention YOU!

I'll often hear parents saying things like: my child never comes to visit me, my child never gives me gifts, my child is unloving, my child is naughty, my child won't do as he's told, my child hates me, my child has no relationship with me, my child is rude, my child is selfish, they don't hug me or show affection blah blah blah...
Every time I hear this crap I KNOW it's because of YOU and something you did or didn't do. You don't get to then play the victim, oh woe is me, for your poor treatment of your child resulting in a poor relationship with that child. (I'm not talking about children born with certain conditions such as psychopathy etc.)

I know of a woman who spoiled her children rotten, the operative word is rotten, and now as an adult she has to deal with children who are selfish, needy and show very little affection to their mum. To this day she still caves in and gives them whatever they ask for as adults and cannot stand up to them. Yet she can't understand why they're not polite, respectful and loving towards her or others. She blames her children for being awful adults with few friends because others find these spoiled adults hard to tolerate. She also treated other children who weren't hers in a way that she never treated her own, harshly with judgment, and again can't understand why those children don't have a good report with her either.

I know of a woman who has a teenage daughter who kept her used monthly items hidden in a draw in her bedroom because said mum never showed her daughter how to dispose of them properly or the daughter was too embarrassed to carry them through the house or been seen to have her period. Upon finding out her daughter was doing this she went off at her daughter, calling her disgusting and feral and many other hurtful offensive names. Effectively alienating the daughter instead of teaching her a valuable life lesson. This woman can't understand why her daughter (and her other children) isn't polite, respectful and loving towards her.

I know of a woman who openly bad mouths her children to others in front of her children, talking about what awful people they are, how badly behaved. Do you think these children are going to grow up feeling wonderful towards their mum?

I know of a man who has no relationship with his sons and seems to think it's their fault for being neglectful distant adults. Regardless of the fact that this man was abusive and neglectful towards them when they're were growing up. What type of relationship does he feel they owe him?

And that is exactly it. These parents are acting as though because they gave birth to their children, their children owe them. These parents feel entitled. To that I say respect is earned. Love is earned. Relationships are earned. You don't simply get to pop children out and that's your job done. YOU write on their blank canvas and if you write a great story you reap the rewards.

If you write a lousy story then bad luck to you if you're children don't like that story or the person who wrote it.