Pass the knowledge on

I was walking around the family farm the other day. My dad and I went for a walk around the place and he spotted an old sheep dipping well. He warned me to keep away from the area and not to grow food nearby because the dip is toxic and will have leached into the surrounding ground.

Dad left and a few days later I was walking the same area with one child. We walked passed the same sheep dip and I passed the information onto them. Fascinated, they looked around the area like I had done when I was first told and they helped me fence the area off with old fence wire lying around. 

Much later the whole family went for a walk and once again we walked by the sheep dip. The child who was with me and learned about it earlier, told the other family members about it. They also examined the area and asked questions.

And now we all know, don't go near the sheep dip or eat anything growing there. 

It's those little bits of knowledge we know and learn and share with others.

What knowledge do you pass onto your children?

Parent with logic not emotion

What ever you're putting out into the world, your children with mirror back to you. 

I cannot stress this enough!

If you're angry and frustrated all the time, that is what your children will be.

If you're a nervous, emotional wreck, that is what your children will be.

If you prefer to critique more than compliment, that is what your children will be.

If you're a tyrannical bully, that is what your children will be (or be victims to bullies).

No is a part of life

No you can't run that red light.

No you can't speed.

No you can't come to work in your pajamas (unless it's pajama day).

No you can't go shopping in the nude.

To some these rules might seem a unfair or annoying or against some constitutional freedom, however life is full of rules we have to follow in order to have a well functioning society and that's all there is to it.

No is a part of life.

Yet there are parents who loath to say the word NO to their child. Parents who loath to set rules and stand by those rules. Parents who feel that saying no to their child is heartbreaking and really really hard to do.

These parents forget that 

1) they're the boss, they're meant to be firm but fair 

2) their children will struggle as adults when it comes to obeying rules 

3) teaching them how to be adults is the parents job.

All too often we complain about how the youth of today are rude, belligerent, spoiled, precocious. We often hear people saying things like that child needs a good ol' biff across the ear. We don't have to resort to smacking in order to teach children respect. 

We simply need to teach them the word NO, and teach them the rules that apply to all people who inhabit this earth. Childhood is all about teaching child how to behave properly so that by that time they're adults they know what's expected of them.

We're raising people who will become adults and they need to know right from wrong, good from bad, empathy, respect, tolerance and understanding.

P.S. Saying no works best if you reframe it such as:

Child: Can I have an ice-cream.

Adult: No because you haven't cleaned your room.

vs

Adult: Yes, once you've cleaned your room.

We all have bad days

I got out of my pjs today. It was a good day!

There had been a couple of days I could barely make it out of my pjs. Tiredness and fatigue washed over me. I had so much to do and little desire to do it, let alone take time to take care of myself. Getting dressed became low priority.

My mood was low and I struggled to stay on top of things.

Luckily the family helped out. The children and my partner jumped right in, doing the bits and pieces I wasn't getting done.

It is normal for everyone to have washed out days; days where we are fatigued or unwell or overwhelmed and overloaded.* Share it with the family and ask them to help out.

*If this is happening to you too often seek advice on how to handle the situation better or find out why you're feeling low.

The main thing is we didn't turn it into a problem. People weren't annoyed mum wasn't her usual resourceful and industrious self. They know they have those days too and we all rally around them to help them in those moments.

Is that how it works at your house? If not, why not?

We just got stuff done and when I felt better I had a day where I got out of my pjs and felt proud of myself for getting at least that much done that day.

Do you struggle to get your family to help out around the house? Need pointers, suggestions, ideas? Leave and comment...

Bribery will get you nowhere

Bribery is kind of a form of discipline, yet by most accounts not a very successful one. If you have to bribe your children to get them to do something you've gone amiss with your parenting. What you want to aim for is rewarding your child/ren.

What is the difference between bribing and rewarding.

Bribery:

You: "Clean your room and I'll give you (insert toy/food/activity/etc)"

Reward:

You: "Can you please clean your room."

When they're done... you: "Thank you for doing that."

You can leave it here because a compliment can be enough of a reward however if you're especially pleased or you're feeling generous you might add, "You've done such a great job, you can have (insert toy/food/activity/etc)"

With bribery the child learns if I don't do what I'm told I'll get something as an incentive and I can up the anti!

With reward the child learns that good things come to those who help out and contribute to the household.

Do you lose your cool with your children all the time?

No.  I don't.

Yes I lose my cool... but often? All the time? With my children? No.

I do have moments of agitation, frustration, stress and annoyance. Still, it's not often that I'm losing my cool. I'm all about keeping my cool as best I can and not yelling; but also setting things up so I don't have to yell (or seldom yell).

I like to explain things in simple terms and get my children to understand there's a reason why we do and don't do things.

He's an example:

Never do for your children what they can do for themselves

Do you do tasks for your children? Do you do their washing? Clean their room? Cook their dinner? Make their lunch? Do all the house chores?

Do they help out or do they sit around all day taking it all for granted? Are they old enough to help out and be doing more? 

Remember these people have to leave home and KNOW how to do all this for themselves. That is what you're setting them up for.

For e.g.

My children aren't angels

I feel I have to point that out because it's one of the first things other parents say to me if I call their children out on poor behavior. "Oh well what abut your child..!" It's as though they feel like unless your child is perfect you aren't allowed to notice anything about other people's children.

Here's the thing:
1) It's true my children aren't perfect, they have their irritating quirks and bad behaviors as well.
2) I'm not the perfect parent. There are still things I get wrong or don't feel I do well.
3) I don't mind if people point out the bits I'm missing.

I've had friends tell me I might want to pay attention to a particular behavior my child is exhibiting and I take the advice on board. I know that parents can be blind to their own children's annoying traits (or hyper obsessive about them) and I like to know if there's something they're seeing that I'm not.

Knowing the areas to improve on is a good thing. Life is all about learning and growing and developing into better human beings.

When meeting parents who are closed off to the idea that something about them or their child's behavior is off, that's when navigating a relationship can get tricky.

Make your children laugh

I'm not much of a comedian. Mostly my children groan at my jokes and are constantly telling me I'm not funny.

Note: mum jokes are as (un)well received as dad jokes.

This doesn't stop me from trying to make my children laugh or play 'funny buggers' with them. For example here's a conversation I had with one of my children.

My child found a thermometer in it's clear plastic container, held it up to me and asked: 

Child: What does this do?

Me: It's a thermometer, it measures body temperature to see if people are unwell.

Child: How do you use it?

Me: You stick up someone's bottom.

Child: No you don't! You put in under the tongue?

Me: Oh no, poor dad.  I've been using it wrong all this time.

**

What are some funny jokes you tell your children?