Hippy guru parenting

⬅️ I like this quote, unless you're children are brats then you should be very concerned about what society thinks.

[Hippy guru parenting is what I call parents who pretend to teach their child while really they're simply not being assertive or consistent.]

Have you heard of the new style of parenting where parents let children learn to make their own judgments by learning from their mistakes, giving them freedom to test the boundaries and make up their own minds about how they want to explore and interact with the world?

I hadn't heard of it until I had a run in with a friend of mine. She would visit (with her husband who is equally, if not more, lazy) and I found her parenting style so lax I wanted to scream. Her 'style' was to sit back and relax while her children did pretty much as they pleased with the view that they'd learn to make reasonable choices, which might have been fine if her children were well behaved or had been given some decent direction in the first place, but that wasn't the case.

The children would stand and jump on furniture, snatch toys my children were playing with, break things my children were building, kick, push and boss, repeatedly bang on the fish tank glass even though they'd been asked to stop (by me - not the parents) numerous times. They'd have lunch and I'd tell all the children to wash their hands afterwards. My children would comply while hers would say, "No I don't want to" and I'd have to get up and help them wash their hands before they go off touching everything with grubby fingers.While my friend and her husband didn't get up and help their children wash their hands or clean up after their children. They would literally come over and just sit while I did ALL the work.

The older sibling would hurt his toddler brother and want my children to join in. Funny thing about this type of parent: one time her older son was trying to get my oldest child to kick her son's little brother. I heard her son say "Kick him" so I jumped up and said there will be no kicking. She did not jump up, react or even hear what was said. It wasn't until I jumped up that she asked me what was going on and when I explained what had happened she went up to my child and yelled at them not to kick her youngest child. She didn't tell her son off at all and my child hadn't done any kicking what so ever. The point is these lax parents are so quick to tell other children off while they let theirs get away with murder. I'm not sure if this is to prove some point that other people's children aren't any better than theirs, though I imagine it's because most parents are more protective of their own children? 

I would make cuppas, serve food and entertain while she and her husband sat back and relaxed... and I did all the telling off and guidance of their children. And it wasn't as though she or he got to some point and realised I don't like children jumping on my furniture or banging on the fish tank or breaking my children's toys so they better make them stop. No. They would just sit back and let me do all the telling off and, no doubt, looking at me as though I was some high strung commando parent! When they visited they would have a great time because I was doing all the work! Then I'd have to do all this de-stressing after they left.

My partner spent one Sunday with them and afterward asked me to never have them over again. My partner was that stressed! I started having them over only when my partner wasn't home, yet soon grew too stressed myself with their visits.

After one of her children got up and ran across the dinning table (and it wasn't the first time this had happened - at other places) I figured it's about time she and I had a talk. I explained how I've been feeling about her visits and her lack of discipline to which she said she likes to let her children learn boundaries from their mistakes (as quoted above). I said, "Clearly that isn't working". She told me she's aware I've been 'judging' her. I had to then explain it's not judgement if I have rules and her children are breaking those rules while she allows that to happen. She asked me if I ever think I get it wrong and I replied, "No, not in this case."

I explained that I have a wealth of knowledge for her to draw on when it comes to disciplining and raising children, and if she wasn't getting so defensive at being told 'her way isn't not working for her, her children and others' she could embrace what I have to offer as another mother willing to help. Sadly she didn't want the help.

Another odd thing about her parenting style is she reads all sorts of parenting books on how to discipline and raise children and still, somehow, can't get her children to behave. She comes across as tired with having to deal with her children by herself (her husband is of little help) and she most likely visits other people to enjoy getting to sit back and relax while the host/hostess does all the work. Yet the main reason why she can't get her children to behave is she's not consistent with discipline or rules, and her rules just aren't the same as others. For e.g. the idea of other children coming in a touching all my CDs and taking them out of the covers, No Way! Yet she thinks it's ok for her children to go into other people's homes and do this AND she thinks it's strange that other people get upset by her children's behavior. In fact, she buries her head in the sand and says she can't understand why people don't like having her and her children over.

In short she doesn't have her children abide by rules others have in place and this makes having her and her children over to visit really difficult to enjoy.

Needless to say the friendship drifted apart. Our parenting styles clashed ;)