I wasn't always the hard-ass parent I am now. When I had my first child they were a dream. They slept well, ate well, was always happy when they woke. A generally pleasant little person to have in my world. Until they hit around three and a half years. Then they turned my world upside down. Suddenly they were into everything all at once and I didn't have enough eyes in the back of my head to deal with it all.
I couldn't go to the toilet without something bad happening while I was gone. It was the same with having a shower, talking on the phone, hanging out the washing. Every time I turned my back they were into something they shouldn't be into and they were so clever. A little Houdini.
If I had a visitor over he'd be annoyed that my attention wasn't on them and they'd try anything to get my attention back on them. I remember one visitor was a child care worker and she watched on in dismay that I couldn't control my little child, though she offered me no advice or assistance.
I had moments of resentment towards the fact that if I wanted help there was nowhere to actually turn for assistance. I told my family how I was feeling once and their response was "You chose to have the baby." And that was that.
Then one day a friend was visiting and told me outright, "You're not being consistent." At the time I felt a bit miffed and had a moment of thinking "What would you know?" Outwardly I just listened to what they had to say while the voice in my head was saying they don't know what it's like to be a parent doing it with no help and being mentally washed out.
Yet the next time my child did something and I wasn't consistent with the consequences I had a light bulb moment. When it happened I knew what it looked like and what my friend had been saying. I knew I hadn't been consistent simply because my friend pointed it out to me.
One thing that has concerned me as a parent and as a concerned party for other parents is the lack of help if you're having trouble controlling your children. There is very little out there by way of actual help. It's not as though Super Nanny can pop into all homes and save the day. Another aspect of this is there aren't a great many parents who would ever ask for help and would begrudge any help or advice given. They don't want to feel as though they haven't got it all figured out.
That is the point and the reason behind this blog. You may need help. You may not know you're not being consistent. You may not know children need rules and discipline and LOTS of sleep. You may not know you're making your job more difficult.
Sometimes someone comes along and says one sentence, "You're not being consistent." and the rest falls into place.
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