Time out

Over the years parenting styles come and go. Once upon a time is was normal and ok to beat the living daylights out of a child and call it discipline. Corporal punishment at school was normal. Another adult giving your disrespectful child a clip over the ear was acceptable and helped keep children in line because the community helped raise the children.

Beating and abusing your children is now an offence (which is a good thing), corporal punishment is no longer allowed (another good thing) and heaven forbid another adult should dare to tell your child off let alone smack them!  It no longer takes a community to raise a child. We're all in it by ourselves these days and this is, in my opinion, a big reason why so many parents struggle with getting their children to do what they're told. They've no where to turn, no-one to ask. In fact many don't seek advice and get very narky and offended if you dare give it. That's a shame because some parents have a lot to learn while other parents are very good at teaching.

Anyway, a number of years ago and new parenting technique came about. Time out.

When I was little we didn't have time out although my parents did send me to my room when I was naughty. Jo Frost popularised the discipline technique in her show Super Nanny. And just recently there has been talk about how this method of parenting is a bad style which apparently doesn't' really teach children anything.

One of my friends loves to use time out and she's ridiculously bad at it and it doesn't work for her at all and here is why:

What she does is repeatedly tell her children "don't do that, stop that now, don't do it, I said stop" then finally she cracks it because her children aren't listening to her, she'll grab one of them quite roughly (because she's lost it by now), stuff them in the toilet and yell at them that they're in time out. Failing to explain why they're in time out, failing to even tell them from the beginning that they need to stop a certain behavior or else they'll be put in time out. The child is crying and panicking because mum is hurting them and they don't understand what's happening.

At the end of their time in the toilet she just lets them out because time is up without explaining why they were put in time out or making them appologise and say they won't do it again. As soon as they're out they're misbehaving again.

As Jo Frost explains in her show there has to be steps taken in order for this method to work. Firstly ask the child to stop, explaining they will be put in time out if they do it again. As soon as they do it again you bring the child to the time out spot, getting down to their level and explaining why they're in time out and how they're expected to remain there for X amount of time. When  time out is finished you asked them to to tell you why they were there so you know they understand there are a consequences to their actions and ask them to apologise.

Whether this technique is now considered bad or not, it can work and one of the BEST things about time out is the break the parents get while the child is off thinking. Sometimes it really is just a matter of needing to remove the child from your vicinity so you can have some mental piece and quiet.