Pick your battles wisely

As a parent one of your hardest jobs is learning which battles to pick and which one's to leave. Children push many buttons and they're very good at it. Quite often they'll do some button pushing simply because it gets them a reaction they find favourable in some way. Perhaps it got them attention or perhaps they got to see their parent explode like TNT and feel powerful for creating that explosion. Or perhaps the parent caved in and the child won!

Over your child's formative years there will be many battles lost and won. Some battles weren't worth having while others you NEEDED to win and didn't. Then there are some parents who don't pick any battles because an attempt to win is too much work and they can't be bothered.

How do you know which battles to pick and which battles to win?

Firstly ask yourself would you allow another adult to do what they're doing? Maybe your child is calling you names, maybe they're leaving wet towels on the floor expecting you (their maid) to pick up after them, maybe they're jumping on furniture or running around a restaurant. If an adult isn't allowed to do any of those things nor should your children.

You might think it's ok for an adult to stay up late, drink beer and smoke; it is not ok for a child to be doing those things. Or maybe you let adults insult or berate you so when your children do it you see it as normal. Use common sense in these situations.

I'd say definitely don't sweat the small stuff. Don't spend every waking moment picking 100 battles with your child because you expect them to be perfect. Nobody is perfect and you should allow your children to be imperfect and flawed. It's ok for them to make mistakes.

One key rule when picking a battle with your child is NEVER back down once you've picked the battle. Even if you regret picking it! An example of this is sometimes my children will ask me for a cookie and without thinking I'll say no, for no reason. Even though I might think about my decision and think I could have said yes I can't change my No to a Yes because I picked the battle and I have to stick to it. I might add that they can't have a cookie yet but if they're well behaved for a little while I might say yes later (and usually I do). But in that moment of No, no means no so they see me as someone who will 'say what they mean and mean what they say'.

However, most battles I pick are bigger. For example my child had birthday party to go to and I told them they needed to clean their room if they wanted to go. I asked them once, reminded them a couple of times when they needed to be finished by and left them to it. If they hadn't cleaned their room they would not have gone to the party. Though they did clean their room because they knows I'm serious.

I'll tell you straight out, there will be parents who read this blog and find the battles I think should be won are a non issue for them. There will be parents who think being as disciplined with as many rules as I have is too extreme and to them I say, you're raising an adult and you want to ensure the adult you raise is a decent human being who contributes well to society. Add to that, that even though my children aren't perfect and we always have knew rules to teach and learn (i.e. no sniffing at the table) our family life is relatively harmonious because we all know where we stand and we all contribute to the well being of our lives.

This harmony is what I want for you and your family.